Page 80 of Wild and Wrangled

Ada’s eyes widened, and she waited for me to keep going.

“Dusty and I were more, even back then. I thought we were going to be together forever. So when he went to guide school in Montana, I went with him.”

“You ran away together?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“That doesn’t…sound like you,” Ada said.

“It isn’t like me,” I said. “But with Dusty, I was…I don’t know…a bolder version of myself. Carefree.” He is still the only person who has ever gotten me out of my head—the only person who made me want to live outside of it.

“So when I think about him or when I’m near him, I think of that girl—that ferocious and courageous girl who decided to set her own expectations and who wanted her own life.” It was hard to swallow. “And when I think of her, I think about how disappointed she would be in the woman I became—the woman who came crawling back to a life she didn’t want.” I thought back to what it was like coming back to Meadowlark. When I got home, my mother was barely surprised to see me, and my dad looked at me with disgust. I’ll never forget what he said: “If you do anything like that again, you’re out. You’re done.”

I remember wanting to break down and cry. I rememberwanting them to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be okay and that they were happy I was home, but they didn’t. But I still felt…indebted to them somehow? They gave me a second chance to do what they thought was the right thing, and I’d never known my parents to give second chances, so I became so focused on not screwing it up that I barely even noticed that I was losing parts of myself that I’d come to love because Dusty loved them first.

I’m still ashamed of how easy it was for me to fall back into their expectations—how relieved I was when I realized how easy my life could be as long as I sacrificed myself and real happiness.

“And honestly, I can’t handle that. It breaks my heart. I mourn that girl constantly, and when Dusty is around, the grief is almost…overwhelming. Because it becomes so obvious she’s too far gone and that she can’t come back.”

“Oh,” Ada said softly.

I gave her a half laugh. “That’s probably more than you were asking for.”

“No,” Ada said. “More than I was expecting, but it’s exactly what I asked for.” She was quiet for a second after that, and I dragged my finger over some old coffee mugs. “I don’t think you need to be scared of Dusty,” she said. “And I still think you’re ferocious and courageous and all of those other things.” I shrugged. “You are. You really are. I mean, Cam, look at the life you’re building right now.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You took the bull by the horns after the wedding, and I know you didn’t really have a choice, but it’s still impressive. You found your dream home for you and your daughter, and you created a new life for the two of you, all on your own.”

“I mean, I had a little help.”

“We all need a little help to get where we’re going, you know. What matters is that the end result is yours. And I think that if things had gone differently in your past, with Dusty, with your parents, with Graham, you wouldn’t have ended up here. You were so young. You had a lot of discovering to do…and maybe you still do. But you deserve everything you have and everything you want—including Dusty. I get you saying you’re scared of him and what could happen, but it seems to me like you’re just scared that all of this is too good to be true, but it isn’t. It’s real and it’s happening, and I think you should just…let it.”

Ada’s words made me feel…lighter. I’d spent years building a wall, brick by brick, inside my head and my heart, trying to block out everything having to do with Dusty. It wasn’t until recently that I realized how heavy those bricks were.

Chapter 34

Dusty

Greer:Any update on Alaska? Interested?

Dusty:Honestly, thanks, but I’m happy where I am.

Greer:What about who you’re with?

Dusty:That, too.

Greer:Happy for you, T. Love you.

Dusty:Love you.

I opened Cam’s back door without thinking about it—maybe I should’ve knocked, but I was excited to see her.

Riley was going to be at Gus’s, and we were going to have a date tonight.

Cam turned to me when she heard the door open. “Hey,” I said. Her eyes were wide, even though she was expecting me. I didn’t waste any time in setting the grocery bag and bottle of red wine on the counter, walking toward her, and pulling her mouth to mine.

She seemed…tense for a minute before she melted into me. I savored the feeling of her arms wrapping around my neck and her fingers knotting in my hair.

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