Page 65 of Possessive Mafia Vows

No!

What is wrong with me that I can’t say it out loud? I’m not afraid of how he might react to being rejected, but I am afraid of hurting his feelings. He would never willingly hurt me, I’m certain of it, he has simply made a terrible error of judgement regarding our relationship.

“You don’t have to say anything right now, Sienna. I realize that I’ve caught you by surprise, and my timing is probably way out with what happened tonight. But I know how I feel about you and…”

He inhales deeply, his face lighting up with his smile and making me feel even worse.

“…well… I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Take as long as you need. We have all the time in the world.”

He rises, and I follow his movements with my eyes still on the diamond in his hand.

Trembling, he closes the box and leaves it on the counter. Then he refills our glasses, clinks them together, and downs his drink in one.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous.” He leans back against the opposite counter, giving me space, and demonstrates his trembling hands with a shaky smile.

I’m uncomfortably aware that I haven’t spoken, but I don’t trust myself to let him down gently. “I wasn’t expecting this, Nick. I haven’t heard from you in days.”

His smile broadens. “I wanted to speak to my family before I proposed. I guess I wanted their blessing. Not that I needed it. But I wanted this to be perfect for you, Sienna.”

He pauses, “Then some fucker went and ruined it by breaking into your gallery.”

I avoid looking at the box containing the diamond ring. I try not to think about Kyle fixing up the gallery.

Nick and I have only dated a few times. Sure, I’ve known him for five and a half years, but as a doctor and patient. It’s hardly the same as building the foundations for our future together. I always thought this kind of spontaneous proposal only happened in the movies.

I guess I was wrong.

“I’m going to shower; it’s been a long day.” He straightens, fingers flexing as if undecided whether he should leave the engagement ring where it is or move it out of sight. “Please, make yourself at home, Sienna.”

Home?

The thought of making this my home, a home to be shared with Nick, makes me feel slightly queasy. But I put it down to a combination of recent events and the Jack Daniels on an empty stomach.

“The spare room is ready for you,” Nick continues, oblivious. “There’s wine in the fridge. Takeout menus in the letter rack.”He gestures to a gleaming chrome rack on the end of the counter. “Tonight is yours, Sienna.”

He takes my hand, raises it to his lips, and then leaves me alone in the kitchen while he makes his way to the bathroom.

I can feel the imprint of his lips on the back of my hand. I try rubbing it on my sweater, but it makes no difference. His cologne is clinging to my clothes. I can’t breathe without his scent filling my lungs and making me choke.

I can’t stay here.

I jump off the stool. With one final glance at the jewelry box on the counter, wishing that I’d imagined the whole thing, I tiptoe along the hallway and past the bathroom. I unhook my coat and drape it over one arm, holding my breath as I open the front door. I can still hear the shower running as I let myself out and close the door behind me.

The night is bitterly cold. The sidewalk sparkles with the first layer of frost, and my footsteps crunch as I walk along the streets of Manhattan. I don’t put my coat on. The biting chill is grounding me, blowing the fog from my head, and making my cheeks sting.

I don’t understand Nick’s proposal out of the blue. He hasn’t even tried to kiss me on a date yet, but I guess he has old-fashioned principles, which is why he sought his family’s blessing first. Even with this in mind though, I still can’t make it all add up.

Then there’s the gallery.

My heart does a backflip each time I think about it. Kyle will tidy the gallery and make it secure, but no one can replace theartwork that I’ve lost. It’s a mammoth task, starting afresh, but I have my own art studio now. If I have to concentrate on new commissions to begin with, that’s what I’ll do.

The despair I felt when I saw the broken canvases isn’t quite the big black hole that I felt myself sinking into when the police officer was questioning me. It’s still there. I know that I could slip into it at any moment, but right now, I need to figure out what to do about Nick.

I walk until I can’t feel my fingers and toes, and my thighs are stinging from the cold. But I keep moving. Each step is taking me closer to the one person who will help me make sense of my emotions, because I understand that the problem with Nick’s proposal isn’t Nick. It’s me.

Standing outside the entrance to the sheer black tower known as the Wraith, I check the time on my phone. Ten-thirty. It feels like it should be hours later. Maybe I should have called Victoria in advance, but I’m praying that she’ll be awake with the baby and will be happy to see me. Besides, it’s about time I visited my goddaughter.

The heat inside the lobby is stifling after the sub-zero temperatures outside.

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