Page 53 of On Broken Wings

I peeled my clothes off and tossed them onto the floor as I reached into the shower and turned the water on. I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I waited for the water to heat. My eyes were red and puffy from crying. My skin was blotchy and my hair was a mess.

I could still smell Evan’s cologne on my skin from when we were dancing. It made me feel sick. How could I have been so blind? I let him sleep with me, touch me, tell me he loved me. My stomach rolled at the thought. He’d spent months pursuing me and why? He was lying the whole time. What kind of sick, twisted person does that?

When steam started flowing out of the shower, I stepped in under the spray. As the hot water cascaded over me, I let the tears come once again. My body shook as my sobs turned into wailing cries. I let my body slide to the floor and rock gently as the water beat down on me.

When the hot water began to turn cool, I twisted the knob and climbed out. I was pruny from staying in so long. I grabbed a fluffy towel, wrapped it around myself and shuffled across the hall and into my bedroom. I stood there staring at my bed in disgust. I hadn’t changed the sheets yet.

I let the towel fall as I growled under my breath. Anger was replacing the sadness and I took that anger out on my bed. I yanked at the sheets, throwing them in a pile as they slipped off. I grabbed clean ones from my closet and remade my bed as I angrily wiped wet strands of my hair from my eyes.

When I finished, I jerked a t-shirt on, flipped the lights off and then crawled into bed. Darkness would be my friend tonight. As I tugged the blankets up to my chin, I started to cry again. Why had he done this? Why did he lie to me? After everything I told him, he knew that lying was the way to break me. Why did he do it?

The questions swirled in my head as sleep finally took over. It had to be late, but my brain wouldn’t turn off. It wanted answers, answers that I didn’t have.

ooooooooo

“Jen?” Mason knocked on my door. “Do you plan to go to work today, or am I telling Dev that you quit?” He sighed as a soft thump sounded from where his head landed against my door.

“Go away,” I grumbled as I rolled over and tugged the covers over my head. I’d been locked in my room for a week now. Evan hadn’t even attempted to come see me, which was way worse than if he had. This meant he really didn’t care. I was just another girl to him and meant nothing.

“I’m not going away,” he grumbled as the door squeaked open. “I’m coming in.” I pulled the covers away from my eyes just enough to see him. My brother was standing in the doorway dressed in his work attire with one hand over his eyes. “You need to get out of this room, Jen.” He kept his hand in place. “Don’t let him determine your future. You’ve worked way too hard to move on, and live. So LIVE!” His fingers spread apart slightly so he could see.

“I’m dressed,” I muttered as I rolled onto my side.

“You’re wearing the same shirt I saw you in three days ago.” Mason shook his head. “We’re getting pizza tonight,” he declared. “I’m getting you out of this apartment.”

“I don’t want pizza. I hate it.” I frowned.

“Since when?” Mason sat down on the edge of my bed.

I slowly sat up, my lip quivering as the tears came back. I’d been crying pretty much nonstop unless I was asleep. “Since he brought it for our last date night.”

“We’ll go somewhere else then. Come here.” He opened his arms and I climbed into them like I used to when we were kids. “We can go wherever you want to, Jen, but we need to go. You can’t do this to yourself. You’re scaring me.”

“I’ll be ok.” I sniffed as I wiped my eyes. “It’s not like before. This is a different kind of hurt and it hurts so bad.”

“I know. We’ll get take out and go to Dani’s. He won’t look there and we can get whatever you want to eat.” Mason smiled as I nodded.

“Ok. I don’t want to go to work today. I’ll call Dev and tell him that I won’t be in until Monday. That’ll give me the weekend to convince myself I can do this.”

“I have to go in for the lunch shift. They’re short bussers today. I’ll be home around four. Think about what you want for food and I’ll pick it up on my way home.” He hugged me one last time before standing and leaving.

ooooooooo

It took some convincing of myself, but I did get out of bed. I needed to wash my clothes and the sheets I’d ripped off the bed. The building was usually pretty empty during the day, so I wanted to go claim a washer while I had the chance.

I climbed out of bed, pulled on a pair of cotton shorts and a t-shirt, and twisted my hair on top of my head. I grabbed my laundry basket and began stuffing all the clothes I’d thrown on the floor over the last week and my sheets into it. When my yellow sundress landed with a flop in the basket, the smell of Evan’s cologne wafted up, tickling my nose. I fought the urge to cry again as I began carrying everything out to the living room.

With the basket on my hip, I swung open the door. If I wasn’t paying attention, I would have tripped over it. There, sitting on the ground right in front of the door, was a paper coffee cup. As I set the basket down, I reached for it. It wasn’t hot anymore, but I could clearly see where the barista had labeled it as a caramel latte. In messy penmanship that I already recognized were the words ‘I’m sorry’ with Evan’s phone number. My throat tightened as I glanced each way down the hallway. Evan was nowhere in sight, but I wondered if he was hiding somewhere watching me.

I stepped back into the apartment, placed the cup on the counter and then grabbed the basket to continue my task. I ignored his coffee attempts in the beginning, I could ignore them again. He’d give up soon enough and leave me alone.

ooooooooo

Evan

I was an idiot, that much I knew. I should have never pursued her while I was on the job. I should have kept my distance, stayed away from the classes she was in, and waited. Instead, I took classes that weren’t part of my cover, pursued her like a crazy stalker and then proceeded to date her. I was an idiot then and I’m being an idiot now.

It’s been a week. I’ve resisted calling her for a week. I’ve driven by her apartment every day hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Her curtains have been drawn and she hasn’t come outside once. I know this because I’ve been going by Ford Stevenson Security every day too.

---