Page 38 of With Every Breath

I led her out to the parking lot, and motioned to a golf cart I’d rented. “Your chariot awaits.” I grinned. I’d asked Madi to help me. She’d decorated the cart with flowers and streamers.

“What is all this?” Bailey laughed. It was a sweet sound that I didn’t hear much anymore.

“Someone told me that you’ve always dreamed of being Cinderella and going to a ball. I thought I’d help with that.”

“I love it.” She turned and kissed my cheek.

“Hop in.” I held out my hand to help steady her as she slid onto the seat. After setting the basket I’d prepared on the back, I climbed in. “Keep your hands and feet inside the tram at all times.” I grinned as I hit the gas pedal. Bailey burst into laughter once again, and I began directing us to the beach.

It was quiet out by the water. Most people were inside eating their dinners. This was always the best time to be out here. I got as close as I could to where I wanted to be, and parked the cart. “Wait here.” I held up my hand. I grabbed the basket from the back, and shuffled through the sand. As I began spreading out the blanket I’d brought, Bailey got out of the cart. I turned just as a breeze blew. The white cotton maternity dress she was wearing fluttered around her legs. Her hair whipped around, causing her to brush it from her eyes. The sun cast a golden glow on her pale skin. For a moment, I forgot she was sick.

“This is great.” She smiled softly as I helped her sit down. I joined her and began unpacking the basket.

“I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I brought a little of everything.” I waited a few moments to see if she’d notice what I’d packed, or even remember.

“Oh, Dex.” She started to cry. “It’s our first date; the one you tricked me into coming on.”

“So, you do remember?” I teased.

“How could I forget? It’s the first time I knew you were trouble. I started fighting my feelings back then.” Her eyes were soft and full of tears as she looked at me. “We’re going to be ok.” She attempted to assure me, but I knew better.

“I know,” I lied as I handed her a sandwich. We ate in comfortable silence as we stared out at the setting sun. Aside from not being on the rooftop, it was exactly like our first date. Even the tension from back then seemed to settle around us. We both knew what was happening, and we ignored it as we tried to enjoy this time.

We finished eating, and Bailey stood. “Dance with me?” She held out her hand.

“There’s no music.” I joined her, and wrapped my arms around her growing waistline.

“We’ll make our own.” She lowered her head to my shoulder, and we began swaying to the sound of the waves and gulls overhead. “You know I’m not doing this to hurt you, right? I love you, and I love our child, and she deserves a chance.” She placed her palm over my thundering heart. “I’m strong, and I’ll fight like hell in six weeks.”

“And what if you’re too weak?” I choked on the words as I forced them out. This was my greatest fear.

“I won’t be,” she whispered.

“I know you’ve always been a daredevil, Bay, but I think the gamble here is just too risky. I think we’re planning on results that just might never come.” A lone tear fell from my eye.

“You have to trust me.” She tipped her head back, connecting her eyes with mine. “Trust that I know what I’m doing.” In that moment, as if we weren’t being challenged enough, a dribble of blood trickled from her nose. I produced a tissue, and helped her sit as we worked to stop it. “I just feel like I’m losing you.” I started to cry. I couldn’t help it. I’ve been strong for months, burying all my fears, and pretending to be ok with this decision, but I can’t anymore. I love her, and she’s slowly slipping away right in front of me.

ooooooooo

Bailey

I know I’m hurting him. I know that he doesn’t understand, and I don’t know how to fix any of it. I love him, but I love this baby, too. I know that once she’s safe, I can fight. I can fight for her and for him. “Can you do something for me?” I removed the tissue I’d been holding against my nose.

“Anything.” He attempted to smile.

“Can you get me some stationary? I’d like to write her letters.” I rubbed my belly affectionately.

“That sounds like you’re giving up.” He scowled.

“No, not giving up, just talking to her. I want to remember everything I’m feeling right now.” I sighed. “The good and the bad.”

I watched as he slowly nodded in understanding. He stood, and held out his hand for me to take. After pulling me up, he guided me back to the golf cart, helped me climb in, and began cleaning up our picnic. The ride back to the house was a quiet one. Dex lifted me into his arms, and carried me to bed. “Don’t go to sleep yet,” he whispered as he placed me on the soft mattress. He rushed off, I’m guessing to get the rest of our things from the picnic.

When he reappeared in our bedroom doorway, he just stood there staring at me. He tipped his head to the side and his lips curled into a half smile. “I’ll never get tired of this sight,” he murmured as he moved closer. He sat down and bent over to kiss me. His lips were soft, and he paused before breaking the contact. “I love you, Bailey.” One hand brushed the hair back from my face while he positioned himself beside me.

“I love you, too.” I turned into him.

The next moments seemed to go by in careful calculation. One piece at a time, we undressed each other. Our hands wandered over warm skin, our legs intertwining. In slow, methodical movements, we made love that night. It was beautiful, passionate, and a night I’ll never forget. I became too weak in the coming days to be intimate. It was the last time before the baby was born.

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