Page 19 of The Night the Stars Went Dark

“It’s good to laugh. Your soul needs it.” I smiled as I tossed my arm up on the back of the couch. She leaned into my side and rested her head on my chest.

“I’ve missed you,” she whispered. “More than I realized.” She placed her palm over my heart, and her whole body relaxed. We stayed that way for a few minutes with only the sound of the TV, but then she uttered the words, “Your heart is racing.” I wasn’t sure how to address that. Should I tell her? Should I just try to kiss her? Should I do nothing?

“It’s nothing.” I brushed it away as I tried to calm myself. “Probably all the laughing.” Today was not the day to tell her how I felt. I needed to plan that better. Today was a day for reconnecting and getting her to open up to me again.

Aspen

I needed this. I needed this more than I ever thought I would. All I ever did was work and hang out here alone. I didn’t have what I would call friends. I mean, I had coworkers who were friendly, but we didn’t do anything outside of work. They didn’t know anything about me, and I was ok with that. Bryson was different though. He knew everything, well, almost everything.

I was afraid to tell him that I needed him. Years ago, on the roof at school, he almost kissed me. He almost did the one thing that would change our friendship. When he never tried again, it made me wonder if it was a mistake. I didn’t know how to tell him that I liked him too, so I just let the idea go. Now though, we’re in different places and I wonder if those feelings are still there.

My head’s been all over the place these last few days, and I keep asking myself if I really know what I want. Am I only feeling like this because I’m looking for a distraction? Something to numb the pain I feel when I look over at Dad’s piano.

“Can I ask you something?” I whispered without looking up at him. My cheek was against the soft cotton of his shirt, and I was telling myself to be brave and just spit it out.

“Sure.” I could sense the uncertainty in his voice.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” I sat up and looked at him. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. His face was blank. I watched as his eyes swept over me, stopping on my face, and lingering near my lips. He sighed as his hand lifted. He pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered something to himself. “Forget it. You don’t need to say anything.” The word vomit started, and I couldn’t stop it.

“Penny, stop!” He grabbed my wrists and gently pulled me closer. “Stop.” His voice lowered. His eyes went from my lips to my eyes, and then roamed over my face as if he was searching for the right words. “I think you’re beautiful. Every time Ihear Mozart or Chopin, I think of you.” He leaned closer and brushed a light kiss over my lips. “Pretty doesn’t do you justice.” He pulled back and stared into my eyes. “Pretty is like calling Rachmaninov a good composer.”

His words hung in the air, just the TV in the background. I wasn’t sure how to say anything after that, and not sound stupid. He smiled gently and tipped his head to the side as if to say, ‘you know I’m right’. I pressed my lips together and nodded before resuming my position. As I settled back against his chest, I murmured, “I think you’re pretty too.” It took all of five seconds for him to laugh. His chest vibrated against my cheek as his arms banded around me. His hand rubbed my shoulder as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ll take it.” He laughed again.

We sat there, cuddled together, watching TV all day. I think we got up to eat at some point, and that was about it. It was nice, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it until now. I missed Bryson, but I hadn’t let myself believe it, and now I was scared of what this new level to us might mean. He was going home in a week, and I’d be alone again. Did I want that?

Chapter 12

Aspen

It was late when he left. I think around midnight. I’d thought about asking him to stay, but I didn’t want to push things. I didn’t really know what we were yet. We hadn’t defined it, and I was ok with that. I mean, I didn’t know how this would work. His goal right now was to join a band full time. I was here, slinging drinks. He’d be traveling while I didn’t. Would anything be sustainable under those circumstances?

I yawned and stretched as I sat on the edge of my bed. I’d promised Bryson that we could hang out before my shift today. I didn’t go in until the dinner rush, and I figured we could walk around the shops downtown. There were always buskers, and Bryson loved to watch them.

I sent him a quick text before jumping into the shower. I quickly washed my hair and scrubbed the daily grime off my body. When I stepped out, there was a response waiting.See you in 20.I laughed. It would be more like fifteen. He was never late, and so I jumped into action quickly. I combed my hair out and then twisted it into a knot on top of my head, slipped into a tee and shorts, and went in search of my flip flops. Just as I was swiping my lip gloss over my lips, the buzzer sounded. I sent him a message letting him know I’d be down in a moment, grabbed my purse and sunglasses, and locked up. I took the stairs two at a time and met him on the steps to my building. It was a bright sunny day, and a slight breeze blew. He looked nice standing there in a pair of shorts and nice fitting tee. I’d never really looked at him as more than a friend, but now that we were there, I was appreciating what he had a lot more. His hair ruffled in the wind, and his lips turned up on one side when he saw me.

“Where to?” He swept his arm out, directing me to take charge.

“I was thinking we could make our way to Quincy Market. There’s a new sandwich shop there, and they always have new stuff in the stalls.” I turned and started walking down the block.

“Perfect.” He smiled as he reached for my hand. It was weird at first, being like this out here. I mean it was different in the apartment, out here makes it real.

He laced his fingers with mine, then lifted our joined hands and appraised them. “I like this. Is it ok?” He seemed unsure when he glanced at me.

I nodded. “It’s new for me too.” He lowered our hands between us, and then gently swung them. We walked that way all the way to the market. It was bustling with tourists and street performers were already setting up. One man had a set of makeshift drums. Some were large buckets, others looked like cans, and then he had an actual bass drum. He was placing them just so, and tapping to see what sound they’d produce. He lifted his chin and smiled as we passed by. A little farther down was a girl with a guitar. She had her case open in front of her. We stopped to listen for a moment and Bryson tossed a five-dollar bill into her case.

Being around music was always hard but being with Bryson seemed to make it a little easier. I tuned out the things that used to come to mind and tried with everything to stay in the present. “You, ok?” He leaned down by my ear. I nodded.

“Let’s go in here.” I motioned to a shop that was opening. A worker was pulling racks out the door and onto the sidewalk in front of the windows. There were beautiful scarves hanging. The fabric looked expensive. My mind began to wander, and I remembered the day my dad came home from a trip. He’d been away for weeks, traveling for a tour. He brought me a doll, and my mom a beautiful silk scarf. She wore it to several shows when I was little. I shook away the memory. I wasn’t going to do this; ruin our day with sadness.

“It’s ok to think about them.” Bryson’s voice broke into my thoughts.

“How did you know?” I blinked up at him; the sunlight was behind his head, making it look as if he were wearing a halo.

“You get this far away look on your face, and your eyes get cloudy.”

“I don’t want this day to be about them. I spend all my time trying to move on, and I just can’t.” I sighed.

“You’re not supposed to forget them or move on. You just have to accept that it’s ok for you to be happy. They would want you to be happy.” He squeezed my hand.

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