Page 40 of On Thin Ice

“That’s what you did?”

“I wanna say, yeah, but I didn’t even realize that until the very end. Until it felt like he got angrier and angrier and it bothered me that I couldn’t figure out why. Most guys I played with and against, they mellowed as they got older. But not Morgan. Never Morgan.”

“No,” Finn agreed.

“That’s when I realized that he couldn’t accept less. He couldn’t figure out how to do it. And that changed things.”

“Didn’t change the way you never let him score on you,” Finn said, swallowing the lump in his throat. It was easier to tease than to talk about it.

It hurt to even consider the possibility that his dad wouldneveraccept he’d done his best, no question about that, but if he could stop worrying about it, and start worrying about living up to hisownexpectations, instead?

Well.

“Fuck no,” Jacob said, chuckling. “Let him win by getting to me? Never.”

Finn realized that was what he’d been doing.

Unlike Jacob, he’d been letting Morgan win. In every way. He’d won by dictating their relationship. By dictating Finn’s own feelings about it. By controlling the way Finn felt about himself. About his capabilities. Even about his own goddamn future.

Finn nodded. Realizing what Jacob was saying without really saying it.

“Got it,” Finn said quietly.

“Think you do. Now let’s go again. I want you to think about your angles. Shifting your hips, angling into the movement, before you move, that gives you the kind of control I want to see.”

Finn nodded, but to Finn’s surprise Jacob reached out, and his hand was warm, firm, even through all the layers he wore. “God, it fucking sucks, okay? I get it. I get it more than anyone. But you’re so much more than a Reynolds.”

Jacob was so fucking earnest, his brown eyes so warm on Finn’s face. But Finn wanted him to say it again. Again and again and again.

“I am?”

“Anyone else would’ve let this beat them down. Let it beat them. But you never did. You fought, every inch of the way.”

“And now you’re telling me not to fight.”

“Don’t fighthim. Fight for you? Yeah. I wanna see you do it.”

Finn flashed him a smile. He’d never imagined it, but by shining a light on that spot, by not pretending it didn’t exist,by acknowledging it, and starting the process of coming to grips with it, he did feel better. Less out of control.

More hopeful.

“I wanna do it, too,” Finn said.

“You’ve got this,” Jacob agreed.

“So that was the surprise you were sneaking off for,” Ramsey said.

Finn looked up. He’d showered and changed after practice, moving slowly, in deference to the ache in his muscles.

“You convinced Jacob Braun to coach you,” Ramsey continued, settling down on the bench next to Finn. “What did you promise him?”

Practically nothing.

Jacob had said something about getting his temperature on the coming out process, but so far there’d been nothing about that. He hadn’t even brought it up again, but hehadbeen completely committed to helping Finn.

“I just asked and he said yes,” Finn said.

Ramsey shot him a look. “I don’t believe you,” he said. “Are you fucking him?”

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