Page 59 of On Thin Ice

There was a long silence on the other end.

“You want to talk about it?” Jacob asked.

Did he want to talk about it? No, he wanted to do anythingbuttalk about it.

“No,” Finn said. “No, no, I can’t, I don’t . . .”

“I got you,” Jacob said. “You still on campus?”

“Yeah,” Finn said.

“Don’t go anywhere. I’m coming to get you.”

Finn almost asked if Jacob was going to take him to his house and finally fuck him, but he was afraid to ask.

Afraid Jacob would say no. Even more afraid Jacob would say yes.

“Alright,” Finn said. But whatever they did, he could admit he was breathing a little easier. Feeling less like the only way to deal with the burning rage lodged under his breastbone was to turn to this tree and decimate it with his fists.

“Just wait right there. Where I dropped you off Saturday night, okay?” Jacob said.

“Okay.”

“Give me fifteen.” Then Jacob was gone.

Finn leaned against the tree and tried to steady his breathing.

“I can’t believe you’re gonna bail out on me after I fed you,” Bryan said, teasing good-naturedly as he soaped up the pan he’d used to cook the pasta in.

“Sorry,” Jacob said. “I just . . .”

“Need to go play knight in shining armor?” Bryan said, raising an eyebrow.

“Something like that,” Jacob muttered.

“Well, go say goodbye to the girls, and tell them your booty call’s more important than beating them on Mario Kart,” Bryan said.

“Bry,” Jacob said, frustrated.

Bryan looked at him. “I just don’t like to see you lie to yourself like this. You’re obsessed with this kid.”

“God, please don’t call him that.”

“Okay, you’re obsessed with thisguy. Pretending you’re not, that you can keep things . . .what, on just a coaching level . . .is just lying to yourself.”

“Maybe I like lying to myself,” Jacob said.

Bryan shot him a look that said he’d never believe it. Not in a million fucking years.

“Okay, I hate lying to myself, but what else is there to do? I can’t . . .Ican’t.”

“Why not?”

Oh God, for so many reasons. “I don’t even have time to go into all the reasons it’s a bad idea. Obviously Morgan.”

“Obviously,” Bryan said dryly.

“He’s younger than me. A lot younger. He’s got this whole life ahead of him, a whole NHL career, which I think is gonna be pretty damn spectacular, if he can stop worrying about how it stacks up against Morgan’s.”

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