Page 98 of On Thin Ice

Jacob huffed in frustration. “You know what I mean. I don’t blame you for being pissed. But I think it’s hard to hear what he’s actually saying versus what you’re expecting to hear.”

“Is that what you really think?” Finn couldn’t believe it. Jacob was taking his fuckingdad’sside, not his. Even after everything.

“I think sometimes you can get stuck in a shitty situation and a shitty attitude, and not know the way out,” Jacob said. He hesitated, and Finn wanted to tell him to shut up, that he didn’t want to hear how suddenly sympathetic he felt towards Morgan. Not when he didn’t deserve it. But then Jacob kept talking. “It’s not the same, I know it’s not the same, butwhen I first retired I felt the same way. Stuck. Every day felt like an end, like the best parts of my life were already gone, and there wasn’t a way to get them back. I was done,finished.”

“You weren’t, though,” Finn argued. He didn’t want to defend the crappy way Jacob had thought of himself—he wanted to be angry at him, for taking Morgan’s side—but it was hard when he could hear the pain in Jacob’s voice.

“I know, but I couldn’t convince myself of that. I was stuck in that belief, and until I found Moira, who helped me see I was wrong, who gave me other things to focus on, I wasn’t going to get unstuck.”

“So what,” Finn said, annoyed but trying not to sound annoyed, because it wasn’t Jacob’s fault that he was making so much fucking sense, “you want me to go to therapy, too?”

Jacob shook his head. Sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. It was platonic, butjust. “I’m not saying therapy wouldn’t work for you, but maybe first, just try listening to what he’s saying. Interpreting it differently.”

“Okay.” Finn hated the idea, but maybe that was more that he could see what Jacob was saying than because he was wrong.

“What did he say to you that pissed you off?”

“He said he wanted me to be the best, because that was all he had to give me,” Finn muttered. Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt, wouldn’t have stung nearly as badly, if Morgan hadn’t just said that hewasgood. Finn had been thrilling with the validation of that, then he’d unloaded the rest and it had almost felt worse as a result.

He’d . . .expected better?

Different, definitely.

Jacob muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like,what a fucking idiotand then said, louder, “You ever think that maybe Morgan saying that isn’t about you, but is actually about him?”

“No,” Finn admitted.

“I told you, as hard as he is on you, he’s always been harder on himself. He doesn’t know how to be any other way, which honestly, that sucks for him, you know?”

“I don’t know, does it?” Finn asked.

Jacob shoved a gentle elbow into his side. “Youknowit does.”

Finn sighed. “Yeah. I guess so. So you think him saying that was about him more than me.”

“I’m not sure he knows how to be a good dad to you, Finn, but as much as Morgan has pissed me off throughout the years, the one thing I can’t doubt is that he wants to do right by you.”

Finn supposed that was true. He could acknowledge it, at least to himself, if not to Jacob. Definitely not to his dad.

“I guess . . .I guess so,” Finn acknowledged. “I can see it, if I squint.”

“As soon as he figured out that me working with you was to make you better, tohelpyou, he didn’t give a shit that it was me. And I don’t have to tell you how he feels about me.”

“I know,” Finn said dryly.

“So when he says shit like, that’s all he has to give you, it means he doesn’t see his worth outside that rink. And . . .well, it’s not that I’m siding with him, Finn. But I know how that feels, and it sucks.”

Finn sighed. “I don’t want to feel sorry for him, damnit.”

“You don’t have to. You can andshoulddemand better from him. But you should also give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“Ugh,” Finn said and risked tilting his head down, resting it on Jacob’s big broad shoulder. “I want to tell you that you’re wrong but . . .I don’t know if you are.”

“Yeah,” Jacob said. “He can be a real ass.”

“I’m going to have to talk to him, aren’t I?” Finn wasn’t happy about it, but what Jacob said made sense. Hewasstuck in this horrible status quo. More of his conversations with his dad—in person, over the phone and in text—ended in frustration and anger than didn’t.

It didn’t feel great, though it had always been easier to place the blame on Morgan.

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