Page 10 of On Thin Ice

“I know, darling, but it’s the truth,” Sophie said, her smile kind.

Jacob took a long sip of wine. “Complaining about coming to Portland or complimenting me on my restaurant choice doesn’t tell me where we’re at with the foundation.”

Early on in their therapy sessions, Moira had identified that he was specifically struggling with having too much time. Not having any purpose, now that his career had ended. They’d talked about a lot of options. Coaching—which he wasn’tagainst, but didn’t feel ready for. Jacob ignored the pulse of guiltfluttering through him at how he’d turned Finn down. It had been almost two weeks ago now, but instead of moving on, he was still thinking about it. Wondering how he could’ve done it.

Wondering if he might’ve been able to banish those shadows from Finn’s beautiful eyes. Wondering if he could’ve gotten Finn to stop worrying so much and justplay.

But that ship had sailed and wasn’t coming back, if Finn’s angry expression and Reynolds blood was any indication. Morgan had never let a single fucking thing go, ever. Every shot Jacob had blocked, Morgan had blamed him for, forever.

Coaching, that wasn’t for him. Not now.

Maybe someday.

Of course he’d probably never get an opportunity to help Finn get his head screwed on straight, because by the time Jacob gothisshit in order, it would be too late.

Finn would be . . .well, whatever it would be.

Coaching had been out. The next suggestion Moira had was founding or volunteering for a charity, and she’d let that thought linger, without other distractions, for a few weeks, letting Jacob really consider the possibility. And he’d decided helikedthat idea. Of giving back. Especially giving back to kids who didn’t have anyone else to believe in them.

“I’m still going through resumes for the director,” Sophie said.

Jacob frowned. “I thought we’d narrowed it down to five possibilities.”He’dsent in his top five candidates after reviewing the resumes Sophie had forwarded him.

“Yes. Sorry. I got some new advice from that non-profit course I’m taking,” Sophie said, not sounding very sorry at all. “It made me want to take a different approach to the process.”

Jacob told himself not to get pissed. But it was six months since he’d brought Sophie and Mark this idea, and this was as far as they’d gotten.Lookingat resumes to hire someone to help get his foundation off the ground.

“And,” Sophie added, more gently this time, reaching for his hand and patting it, “we still haven’t discussed how you want to handle the inevitable questions.”

“Yes, we did,” Jacob said. Okay, Sophie was technically right. They hadn’t discussed it. When Sophie had asked him, he’d only said,tell them the goddamned truth and then move the fuck on.

Frustratingly, she did not think this was a very good strategy to come out of the closet. Even worse, Jacob was beginning to wonder if she might be right.

“You told me to just drop the unvarnished truth. Say,yes, Jacob Braun is gay. And then leave it at that.” Sophie shot him a look, the meaning of which he understood perfectly.Maybe it’s true, but it’s also bullshit, and it’s not going to work, and you know it, too.

“I did.” Jacob internally winced. He’d said that on a particularly bad day, a few months back, and unsurprisingly, Sophie had made sure they didn’t revisit the conversation until now. Until he was a glass and a half of superb wine into dinner.

“You’ve said more than once retiring from hockey was a blessing and a curse. So let’s focus on the blessing. You can come out, now,” Mark said soothingly.

“Right.” Jacob stared at his wineglass. He didn’t think it was full enough to be having this conversation.

“So,yes,we need to talk about the process of you coming out, that’s what we have to tackle before we doanything,” Sophie said firmly.

“Does there really have to be a process?” Jacob questioned. “Don’t the kids today just live their lives?”

Sophie made a face and took a long drink ofherwine, so he guessed not. Or that much easier version of upcoming events wasn’t in the cards for him. “Yes and no,” she said. “Kids, yes. Not guys who spent their whole career closeted.”

“I never had a beard. I never faked it with a woman,” Jacob said. He’d never been willing to go there. Even to dispel the rumors that had,yes, followed him. Which was why he didn’t understand why they couldn’t just confirm them.

“No, you didn’t,” Mark agreed. Though Mark had half-heartedly suggested it once or twice or ten times. Every time those rumors cropped up. Clearly his agent hadn’t liked the idea any more than Jacob had, because while hehadmentioned it, he’d never pushed Jacob to do it.

“Then why can’t we just say, yep, everyone was right about me? I don’t want it to be some big deal.”

“Jacob, itisa big deal,” Sophie said gently.

“Only to me,” Jacob argued. “To everyone else, it shouldn’t even matter. Besides, who cares if I start a LGBTQ charitable foundation? Does thathaveto mean I’m queer? Those kids need support too. More support, in fact.”

“I know, but Jacob, there’s going to be questions. And if you don’t establish this upfront, the questions might overtake the whole point of the foundation. And Iknowyou don’t want that. You want the foundation and its cause front and center, not your own sexuality.” Sophie’s expression was empathetic. She was absolutely cutthroat and killer at her job, but with an unexpectedly soft heart she didn’t show to just anyone. But she’d shown it to Jacob early on, and they’d always gotten along as a result.

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