Page 121 of Love, Luck & Clusterf*ck

I waited for a response. And waited. And thought about the ways I’d make it all better for him while squeezing my thighs together. Ow! I heard the toaster pop so I went back to the kitchen. I wished I could type out everything I wanted to do to him, but since he had a company-issued phone, it was better to keep it tame.

I ate my bagel, took a shower, did some cleaning, and by the time afternoon rolled around and I still hadn’t heard a word, I decided to get out of the house. I was going way too stir-crazy.

I drove down to my soon-to-be new apartment and parked in the lot. Despite anything that happened between us, it was still time to get my own place. I didn’t want to make it awkward by continuing to stay there when we needed to talk about where things were going between us. He didn’t sound like it was only a one-night deal for him, and it definitely wasn’t for me. And he did promise that nothing would change between us. Well, at least it’d be a quick drive to his place whenever we needed each other. For anything. Fuck, I was getting horny.

I got out and tooled around a bit. I hadn’t signed the lease yet, so I couldn’t get inside, but I could walk around the yard. It was a basement apartment, but it was only underground in the front of the building. The back had a small patio that opened up to the communal grassy area.

Since there was only so much I could see, I headed out the lot and down the sidewalk to check out the neighborhood. I spotted a coffee shop a few doors down from the daycare and decided to pop in. I could use something sweet.

As I scanned over the bakery case, I noticed a shock of honey-colored hair in the corner of my eye.Are you fucking kidding me?Of all the coffee shops in this city, she has to pick this one?I turned for thedoor. I’d come back later.

“Perry?” I didn’t turn around. “Perry!” She ran over to me and grabbed my arm. “What are you doing around here?”

I wasn’t about to tell her that I was moving to the area, so I said, “I could ask you the same thing.” I looked down at my arm and she dropped her hand.

“I’m meeting someone. He picked the place.”

“Then I won’t keep you.”

“No, wait! Please.”

I sighed. Did I want to do this? No fucking way, but part of me was urging to stay and resolve things once and for all. I’d been almost three months since I’d caught them, and while it still hurt, it was no longer that raw, oozing pain. Everything felt different with me. New beginnings and all that shit. It gave me an invincible feeling like I could tackle anything.

And for the first time ever, it dawned on me that they’d done me a favor. I had no idea why I’d never seen things in that light before, but if I hadn’t walked in on them, then nothing would’ve ever happened between Stephen and me.

“Okay,” I said, and she smiled wide.

“Oh my God. Thank you so much.” I followed her over to a corner table and sat down, waiting for her to make the first move. “How have you been doing?”

“I’ve been fine, Christa. Better than fine, actually.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. You know, it’s still our place and—”

“No, I’m good.” I stopped her right there. I was willing to talk but not jump right back into the best friend role.

“I’m so sorry, Perry.”

“You’ve already told me that.”

“Will you let me explain?” I nodded. “I’ll start at the beginning. I had feelings for him for a long time, but I was good at ignoring them. I knew he was off-limits, and I never wanted to hurt you.”

“How long’s a long time?”

“Since high school.” My mouth dropped.What?“I kept going from guy to guy hoping to find someone else while secretly wishing I was with him. It really sucked. But again, I never acted on anything, not even a kiss, even during all your off periods. It was so hard seeing you two go back and forth, screwing other people, making up, basically acting all wrong for each other.”

“Did he, um, have feelings for you too since then?” How did I not seeanyof this?

“No. I’m pretty positive of that. It was all one-sided. But then one night, about nine months ago now, during one of your off-periods, I ran into him at Tally’s on the east side. He was pretty trashed so I offered him a ride home. I helped him inside and… that was the first time.”

“Why wasn’t it also the last time?”

She was shredding a napkin into flakes all over the table. “God, Perry. You have to believe me when I say I wish it was. I wished it had never happened at all. I felt like total shit and I deserved to. I don’t have a good reason why it continued, and I don’t want to make excuses. It just did.”

I was curious as hell how many times they’d actually hooked up over those six months, but what would be the point in having that information? “Are you still fucking each other?”

“No! Not since you…. He won’t even talk to me now.”

“What if he did talk to you?”

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