Page 122 of Love, Luck & Clusterf*ck

She didn’t say anything, just looked down and swirled around the white bits. I had no doubt that if Dre pursued it with her, she’d jump on board. It was what it was.

“I can’t help being in love with him, Perry. I’m so sorry. I want so badly not to be, but I just can’t stop.”

A flicker of compassion bubbled through me. She still shouldn’t have acted on her feelings, or lied to me about it for half a year, butin some way I understood. Dre and I were so screwed up and should never have been together in the first place. Looking back, I wish we hadn’t been. Then Christa could have gone after him openly, and I’d still have my best friend.

“There’s more,” she said, glancing up. “I want to get everything out in case I don’t get this chance again.”

“Okay.”

“The shit we did to his truck? I was so messed up that night, and not just from drinking. I felt like I was being torn apart and my head was in chaos. I hated what I was doing to you, I hated that I loved him, I hated that he didn’t love me back, I hated that I thought he was getting his dick wet in some slut at the gym.” She took a deep breath. “I hated that he talked me into fucking once without a rubber, and I hated knowing that if I would’ve been pregnant that time you sat with me all night in the bathroom, he wouldn’t have been there for me. And most of all, I hated myself for being so fucking weak and letting it all happen.”

I took a deep breath as well. Okay, wow. I had my suspicions that it would’ve been his kid, but… holy fuck, thank God that test was negative.

“When I said the shit ‘we’ did to his truck, I should’ve saidme. The reason you can’t remember anything after we went out there was because you passed out. I propped you against the wheel, then injected that nasty piss through his door. I was so furious with him, I wasn’t thinking straight. After I was done, I somehow got you inside and put you to bed. You had nothing to do with any of it.”

“What the hell, Christa?” It was the first time during our conversation that I was upset. “You told him it was all me. You let me feel guilty for something I didn’t even do!”

She looked like she was going to cry. “I know, I know. I told you I was so messed up then. I didn’t want him mad at me and….” She shook her head. “No excuses.”

“Is that at least everything now?”

She turned her head towards the window. “Yes.”

“Christa?”

We both glanced over at the clean-cut, polo-wearing guy standing by our table. Not exactly her type, but then who knew what that was anymore? “Oh hi, Cole. This is my, uh, this is Perry.”

I stood up and smiled. “Nice to meet you. I’ll just get go—”

“You don’t have to leave yet,” she said.

“I have some things I have to do.”

“Oh, okay.” I went up and stood in line. Might as well get my double fudge frosted brownie first. A moment later she was right there beside me. “Do you think we can get together again sometime?”

“I can’t, Christa. I’m glad we talked, and mainly I do forgive you. I just can’t… trust you right now.”

“I understand.” She gave me a hug, which I partially returned. I never imagined even getting to that point with her yet, so I considered it an achievement. “When and if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“Yep.” She headed back to her whatever he was. “Hey, Christa?” She looked back. “Good luck. Hope he’s the one.”

Still nothing from Stephen.

Before I’d left the house, I’d posted a note on the fridge saying I was going out and to call if he got home before I did. I checked my phone once again, making sure it was still functional. It was. Bummer.

I slipped it back into my purse, then verified that Dre’s truck was there before going inside the gym. One down, one to go. It felt good to get closure. I hadn’t realized I needed it until after speakingwith Christa. I even felt sorry for her, and that was something I never thought would happen. She was always the one who had all her shit together. Apparently not.

I beelined straight for Dre’s office. I rarely showed my face around there, and the last time was probably a year ago. Even still, no one seemed to care when I bypassed the equipment bearing sweaty guys and went to his door, not bothering to knock.

A woman wearing what amounted to a workout string bikini jumped back from his desk.Oops. Didn’t mean to startle anyone.

“Perry? Holy shit, Perry!”

“This looks like a bad time.”

“No, no. Come in. What are you doing here? Holy shit.” He faced the woman who looked like she wanted to pluck my eyeballs out. “Jenny, can you give us a minute?” Ah, the infamous trainer, I’d bet. She huffed and stomped out.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

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