Page 27 of Love, Luck & Clusterf*ck

My body froze up. “Not really.”

“I don’t see what the problem is. It’s going to be you and me, baby, for a long time. You’re mine and I’m yours. I want everyone to see that.”

“A long time isn’t forever. A tattoo is forever, Dre. That’s the problem.”

He ground against me. If our clothes were off, he’d already be done by now. Any moment he was going to tug down my jeans and poke around for an opening. I was not going to fuck by the front door when at any time Christa could waltz in. I was getting frostier by the second.

“We’ll call it forever, then.” He unzipped his pants.

“Dre, stop.”

“Why? I need you.”

His actions were becoming more frantic. He was starting to grunt. It wouldn’t be a big deal to just let him shove it in. It’d be over quickly, so I really didn’t need to worry much about Christa. I could reach over and lock the door if I was that worried about it.

“I need you so bad,” he breathed into my ear. All that hot air annoyed me.

His fingers were working the button on my jeans, and I was afraid he’d rip it off. I wasn’t the best seamstress; I’d never get that thing back on straight.

“Dre, stop. I just… don’t want to right now, okay?”

He sighed loudly. “You never want to anymore.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes. He didn’t need that. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“Over a week.”

“Exactly. It hasn’t been that long.”

“What’s going on with you? Ever since…. Does couple sex turn you off or something?”

I wished he’d stop saying ‘couple.’ I wished he’d stop saying a lot of things. I didn’t want words, but I didn’t want action either. Whatever was wrong with me, I wanted it to end. A blue-eyed boss invaded my mind for a flash.Where the fuck did that come from?

“Don’t I turn you on anymore?”

He actually looked hurt, and all my irritation turned to guilt. I felt like shit. I should have just sucked it up and let him stick that damn thing wherever he wanted. Take one for the team. It wasn’t like I hadn’t gone through the motions a million times before. In and out. Out and In. Maybe a little twisting. It was like sharpening a pencil. Once again, I was making something into a major thing when I didn’t need to be.

“It’s not that, Dre.” Or was it? Was I just lying to him through my fucking teeth? I wasn’t sure.

“How about watching porn together? That’s worked sometimes before.”

Hope glimmered in his eyes. Dammit. He was trying. This whole relationship thing. He wanted us to have a real shot at being together, and all my doubts and unexplained emotions were ruining it. I sucked.

“I just want to lie down in bed. I… I feel like I might get my period early.”

He moved back.Step away from the menstruating lady slowly.“Well, why didn’t you just say so from the beginning, babe?”

I shrugged. There was no questioning whether or not that one was a lie. I was a big fucking liar. Plain and simple. I told myself that the relief covering his face made it worth it. It wasn’t him. It was me.

“Do you mind if I watch some?”

“Go ahead.”

I went to my room and flopped on the bed, dropping my purse beside me. The piece from Dre’s truck sat on my dresser and taunted me out of the corner of my eye. I shook my head.A freaking piece of his baby.It didn’t matter how I felt about it; it meant a huge deal to him. I pulled my phone out of my bag to see if Christa had ever texted me back, but there was nothing. I caught the green shimmer covering the bottom of my bag and I dragged it out slowly, shamrock by shamrock.

I held it in my palm and wished for some luck. I didn’t think it worked that way, but I was so damn muddled. I may have made Dre feel better, but I felt worse. He’d been a part of my life long enough to deserve the truth. I just had to figure out what it was first. Was it a commitment issue? A Dre issue? A something-else-entirely issue?

I lay my head down on the pillow, the necklace still clenched in my hand. The man who’d given it to me was now going to be a part of my life too, even if it was in a strictly professional sense, even if I only saw him occasionally during work events. However infrequently we ran into each other, things had still changed. We’d gone from possible chance encounters to definite ones.

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