Page 34 of Love, Luck & Clusterf*ck

“Just checking. So, which one do you want to try first?”

Her eyes dropped to half-mast. She looked how I felt. “Whatever, Perry. It doesn’t matter. Pick one.”

I chose the fanciest-looking one, thinking it’d be more accurate because it was digital. What the hell did I know about these things? I pulled it out of the box and handed it to her.

“Now, promise me that you’ll keep some pee inside. Don’t let it all out on the first one so we can double check the results.”

“How am I supposed to promise that? It’s practically running down my legs right now.”

“Promise me, Christa. I promised I wouldn’t leave and I didn’t. So you can do this.”

“All right.”

“It says to pee on the stick for only three seconds. No more, no less. Got it?”

“What the fuck kind of crazy shit is that? What does it matter how many seconds?”

“How am I supposed to know? I didn’t create it. Just follow the directions.”

I hopped around, ready to burst myself, but I sucked it back in. I was exhausted and hungry and crabby and worried as hell for her.

She sat on the toilet and held the stick under her while I held her hand and counted for her. “One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand, stop. Stop!Stop!”

“Sorry. I really, really tried. Honest. It hurt so bad, I couldn’t control it. I left some in there, though.” I narrowed my eyes at her. I shouldn’t be upset, not one bit, but it all went back to the exhausted, hungry, crabby thing. “I’m sure an extra few seconds won’t make a difference,” she said.

“Then why do they bother putting a time on it if it doesn’t makea difference?”

“Well, so what happens if someone has a tiny bird bladder and only has one second of pee in them?”

“I don’t know, Christa.” Why did they have to make these things so fucking complicated? As if having an unwanted pregnancy wasn’t stressful enough. I scrubbed my face. We needed some air. I cracked open a window.

“Now how long are we supposed to wait?”

“Three minutes.”

She shut her eyes, and at exactly three minutes, I said, “It’s ready.”

“I’m not.”

“Do you want to look together?”

“No. I want you to look first and then tell me it’s good news.”

God, my hands were shaky. She was my best friend, and I’d support her in any way I could, but…. I looked down. “What the hell is this?”

She peeked open an eye. “What? Holy shit. It’s bad, isn’t it? Oh God, just tell me.”

“It’s… a question mark?”

“A what?

I scanned over the directions again, then tossed them aside.Are you shitting me?“It’s inconclusive.”

“How can that be?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Christa. Maybe because you peed foran extra three seconds.”

If the room was big enough to pace, I’d definitely be doing it.

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