Page 47 of Wish You Would

I’m exhausted, but I find myself lying wide awake, thoughts of Holden running through my head.

Stop thinking about Holden, stop thinking about Holden, stop thinking about Holden.

As I finally feel myself start to settle into sleep, another thought crosses my mind: I love my new bed, but it’s not Holden’s and that fact makes me incredibly sad.

“You really don’t haveto do this,” Holden tells me again as he opens the passenger door of his truck, and I slide onto the leather seat.

“Are you kidding? After what you’ve told me about your parents so far, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I insist. “Besides, I plan on getting the dirt on you. You know, childhoodphoto albums, most embarrassing teenager moments. All the good stuff.”

We’re going to his parents’ house for dinner like I promised. If we’re going to sell the whole fake girlfriend thing at the wedding, we need to start now. And I actually am looking forward to it. Holden talks so highly of his mom and dad that I can’t wait to meet them. I’m also looking forward to meeting Barb, his mom’s wife.

But if I’m honest with myself, I’m most excited to be spending time with Holden, who I haven’t seen or talked to since our talk yesterday morning.

I missed our morning chat over breakfast today. I missed dinner around the coffee table last night. And I missed falling asleep in his bed listening to the soft sounds of his breathing. I realize it has only been a day and a half, but I’m pretty sure he has been avoiding me. And the truth is, I hate it. I’ve missed him. I miss being with him, talking to him, riling him up. I’ve missed the way I feel, the tingle on my skin, whenever he’s around. But I like him so much that I’m not prepared to let casual sex ruin our friendship.

“Not even a little bit nervous?” Holden asks, putting on his seatbelt. I glance at his profile, noticing the way his back is rigid, the tick in his jaw. He’s trying to act like everything is fine, but it’s not; something is definitely off. I wonder if it has anything to do with our talk yesterday or it’s something else. Did I hurt him when I said I wasn’t looking for anything long-term? But Holden isn’t looking for a relationship either. Having sex was a random, impulsive decision after we both had a few too many drinks. He agreed with me that it shouldn’t happen again so there’s no reason why that would upset him.

Why does everything have to be so complicated? I hate that being hurt by our exes has affected us both.

“Why would I be nervous?” I ask.

“I don’t know.”

“Meeting new people is fun. I like learning about other people’s lives. It can bring new perspectives and teach you new things. And they madeyou, so they must be cool,” I tell him. All of that is true, but there is part of me that feels bad about the way I’m meeting his family. Holden and I are lying to them, and deep down that feels wrong.

Holden is quiet as he starts his F-150, then backs his truck out of the driveway.

“Holden, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“You just seem quiet. It feels like there’s distance between us. We’re friends. If there is something wrong, I hope you would tell me.”

I really wish he would tell me what is bothering him. We were doing so well—getting along, having fun—and now it feels like we’re back to square one.

I take a breath when he doesn’t respond right away. He has that frown again across his face, the one that he had when I first moved in with him, and I wish I could kiss it away.

“There’s nothing to tell you.”

There is definitely something on his mind, but I feel like I already know him well enough to know not to push him. Especially right before dinner at his parents’ place.

Iamwondering how the heck we’re supposed to fake being in a relationship in front of his family when he’s barely speaking to me. But there isn’t time to figure that out, because 5 minutes later we’re pulling up in front of his mom’s house.

Donna and Barb live in a small, cream-colored house in one of Reed Point’s older neighborhoods. The grass isperfectly green, which is impressive considering the heat wave we’ve been having, and there are two pots on either side of the front door overflowing with purple and pink flowers.

Holden opens my door and offers me a hand out of his truck. Apparently even when he is actively avoiding me, he’s still a perfect gentleman.

When we get to the doorstep, Holden rings the bell and I can hear the voices inside getting louder as someone approaches the door. A moment later, a woman with Holden’s deep green eyes and smile greets us.

“Hi baby, I’m so glad you could come!” She hugs her son tightly, then quickly turns her attention to me. “And you must be Briar. I’m Donna, Holden’s mom. He told me you are beautiful, but I wasn’t expecting drop-dead gorgeous. Barbie, you need to see Briar.”

He told his mom that he thinks I’m beautiful? He talked to her about me?

I am still wrapping my head around this when Barb appears in the foyer and pulls Holden into a hug before turning to me. She clasps my hand in both of hers as she introduces herself, a wide smile on her face. Soon we’re being ushered into the air-conditioned living room where his dad is waiting for us.

“Look at her! So pretty. Isn’t she beautiful?” Donna says to Holden.

“She is.” Holden’s eyes lock on mine. A shiver skates over my skin. All I have to do is look at Holden and my body reacts in some sort of primal way.

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