Page 50 of Wish You Would

I feel guilty for a split second that I’m imagining Briar while I jerk my cock, but not enough to stop. I think about how tight and wet she felt when I was deep inside her, hand running over the length of me from root to tip before I focus on the head, twisting and tugging.

“Briar…” I grit out her name when my balls begin to draw up and my vision goes black and I see stars, my orgasm barreling into me at full speed as I shoot my load all over the tile wall.

I try to catch my breath, my forehead dropping to the tile.Get your shit together,Holden, I tell myself, turning around so the spray of water hits the front of me. I squirt some body wash into my hand to clean the jizz off my body then clean the tile wall before turning off the water and drying myself with a towel.

As good as the release felt, when I slip into bed a few minutes later, my mind is still on Briar. I hate that she’s just across the hall from me, but I can’t touch her. She’s so close but so far away.

Dammit, I must be superhuman for not walking out of this room and down the hall to her bedroom and telling her everything she needs to hear before I strip her out of her clothes.

I groan. That would only ruin things between us. She doesn’t want me the way I want her. Some idiot fucked her up so badly that she thinks all guys will hurt her. And maybe she’s not wrong. I wish I could give her everything she wants, but we both know I’m just as messed up as her.I’ve spent years building walls around my heart to keep everyone out… until Briar walked into my life with a sledgehammer. Despite the intense need I feel to be close to her, I have to accept that I can’t be the guy for her.

I’ll have to settle for being her friend, and her fake boyfriend. But part of me knows that will never be enough.

I walkacross the lawn to Jake’s place, relieved for the excuse to get out of the house. It’s been five days since Briar, and I had dinner with my parents. One week since we spent the night together. Things between us are as tense as ever.

So, when Jake texted to say that Everly was taking the kids to her parents’ place and he was hosting a guys’ night, I jumped at the invite. My alternate plan for the evening was to stay in my room and avoid Bee, so the text came at the perfect time.

She was reading one of her romance books at the breakfast bar in the kitchen when I left the house. She looked up as I walked by and smiled, and I did my usual head nod before heading out the front door. That seems to be the only way we communicate these days.

How long can we keep doing this? It’s already uncomfortable when our paths cross at the house, what will it feel like after another few weeks? Or at Amy’s wedding, where we’re supposed to be pretending to be a couple? What was I thinking having sex with the girl I’m sharing my home with? The knot in my chest tightens thinking about the space I’ve intentionally put between us. But there isn’t another option. It’s what I need to do.

Grayson and Tucker are already at Jake’s, and I find the three of them sitting on the porch with beers in their hands.

“Hey, man.” Jake stands and drags a chair from across the porch to where the guys are sitting. “Have a seat, I’ll get you a beer.”

I take a seat, nodding at Jake when he hands me a Miller Lite from the cooler. “Thanks, man.”

“Welcome. How’s it going?”

“All good,” I reply. Okay, so that’s a lie, but I don’t want to talk about it. “How are the kids?”

“Great, man. West is walking all over the place and he said Dad the other day. His first word. Everly was pissed.” He chuckles before taking a swig of his beer. “And Birdie is the best big sister. She’s always on the floor playing with him, making him laugh. She’s such a good kid.”

Jake beams. Who knew Jake Matthews—serious, grumpy Jake Matthews— would be so damn happy being a dad? Turns out he’s a natural. No matter what day of the week it is, you’ll always catch him outside on the front lawn running soccer drills with Birdie. He even stepped up as the assistant coach on her soccer team. And when he’s not busy with Birdie, he’s playing with West or rocking him to sleep.

“How are things going over at your house?” Tucker asks, leaning back in his chair and crossing one ankle over his knee.

“They’re fine.”

Tucker doesn’t even bother to hide the smirk on his face. “Briar told Daisy that things are kind of tense between you two. What’s up?”

There’s no point in hiding it. I don’t even have the energy to keep up the pretense. Obviously, Briar has said something to Daisy. How much? I’m not sure. The thing is, I want to be able to talk to my buddies, and I know I can trust them. Anything I tell them on this porch will go no further than the four of us.

“We hooked up.” Might was well rip the Band-Aid right off.

“Would you like us to act surprised?” Jake asks, as the other two laugh.

“It only happened once. The next morning, I was ready to see where things could go between us… and then she shut me down, and we haven’t talked much since.”

“You’ve been avoiding one another?” Tuck asks.

“Basically.”

“And how’s that been going, seeing as you’re both living in the same small house?”

“Fucking terrible,” I admit.

“Okay, so what were her reasons for shutting things down?”

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