Page 52 of Wish You Would

He has a point—I love spending time with Birdie and West. I love spending time with Sadie. I may not be an official uncle, but that’s what they call me and that’s what I feel like to them. What is it about me that doesn’t know if I’m cut out to have kids of my own?

I had a great childhood with two parents who loved me. They even handled their divorce in a way that made my brother and me realize at the time that it was the bestdecision for the family. I have only good memories of growing up. So, why can’t I picture having a family?

I look out at the ocean across the street. The weather will begin to change soon, and we won’t be able to sit outside like this in the evenings. By that time, Briar will have moved out and who knows how often I’ll see her then. I do know that I’m going to miss having her around. I should probably stop avoiding her and start enjoying the time we have left together.

“I know you, Holden, and if you’re here opening up to us about Briar, then you’re already in deep,” Grayson says. “You were celibate for way too fucking long before Briar. I’m surprised you even remembered how to use it. You’re a good guy. It’s time to find someone who will be there for you after a long day. Someone to spend your nights with. You won’t find anyone sweeter than Briar. You can’t avoid the girl forever. Might as well face up to it.”

I take a deep breath and then exhale it out again.

“There’s one thing I haven’t told you yet,” I say. “I’m bringing Briar as my date to Amy’s wedding. She’s pretending to be my girlfriend. All her idea, for the record.”

Tucker almost spits out his beer. “You’re shitting us, right?”

“I’m not.” Now that I’m saying this all out loud, I’m not even sure it makes sense. “I already brought her to my mom’s house for dinner. She met my mom, Barb, and my dad.”

“As your fake girlfriend?” Tucker asks.

“Yup.”

“Oh boy.” Tucker barks out a laugh. “You’re not just in deep, you’re fucking drowning.”

“Are you okay? Have you gone temporarily insane?” Grayson asks. “I really need some clarity here.”

“The short version is that Briar found the invite before I did. When I explained to her that I didn’t want to go because Amy is my ex, she offered to be my date… my fake girlfriend or whatever. At first, I told her absolutely not, but… she can be very persuasive, and she made it sound like fun.”

Tucker studies me. Having been my roommate for years, he knows me the best out of the guys. “You didn’t think it through at all when you agreed, did you?”

“No, not really.” I shake my head. “Apparently, I can’t say no when it comes to Briar.”

“You mean Beeeee,” Tucker smirks.

I flip him off.

“Should make for an interesting night.” Jake takes a sip of his beer and then burst into laughter. “This is the fucking cherry on the sundae of my day.”

I know they’re right—this is a crazy plan, especially considering the fact that Briar and I are barely speaking to one another at the moment. But if I’m being honest with myself, I’m actually looking forward to the date. Fake or not, the thought of spending an evening with her sends a spark of electricity deep in my belly. I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I’ll be proud to walk into the wedding with Briar on my arm.

I’m grateful to the guys for hearing me out, but I’ve had enough of talking about my fucked up life, so I steer the conversation to easier topics. We drink a couple more beers as darkness falls, until Everly comes home with the kids. West is sound asleep in his car seat, so she says a quick hello and then heads inside to put him to bed. Birdie, on the other hand, is only too happy to position herself in the middle of the porch and tell us every detail of her visit with her grandparents. Eventually, Jake tells her it’s time for bed and the rest of us take that as our cue to head home.

I push open the front door, hoping to find Briar still awake, but I’m disappointed when she’s nowhere to be found. I quietly walk to my room, glancing at her closed bedroom door. I can’t help but wonder if she is regretting ever moving in here, even if it is just temporary. It’s possible that she’s gotten tired of having a roommate who barely talks to her. I wouldn’t blame her.

I sit on the edge of my mattress, wishing I could get out of my head. Wishing I could stop thinking about Briar for just one night.

And if I can’t do that, then what do I do next?

THIRTEEN

A LEVEL OF HOT I’M NOT USED TO

Briar

In the past three weeks, I’ve barely seen or talked to Holden. Not a single dinner together. Not a shared breakfast or even coffee in the morning. He’s been quiet on a group chat we have with our friend group and when we do see each other in passing at the house, we say hello. But not much more than that.

Honestly, for the most part, Holden and I have felt like two ships passing in the night. He usually gets home late from work and leaves early for the gym in the morning.

I hear his alarm go off in the morning, but by the time I’ve showered and changed, he’s long gone. If I cook dinner, I leave him a plate of food on the stove and in the morning, there is always a mug with a tea bag left out on the counter for me next to a warm kettle. And every single time I walk into the kitchen and my eyes land on the mug, I get a pang in my chest. Even with this tension between us, the energy that crackles in my veins every time I think about Holden is still there.

Holden might be confusing, but he’s sweet and has agentle side, and no man alive has ever turned me on the way he does.

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