Page 54 of Wish You Would

The shock in Daisy’s eyes makes me laugh. Daisy is truly one of the kindest, sweetest people in the world, but it’s fun to push her buttons. “It’s always the quiet ones who turn out to be a freak in the sheets. Maybe Hazel has a naughty side.”

“Are you high?”

“I might be,” I say, then stifle a yawn. “Sorry.”

“Why are you so tired?”

“I’m not.”

“The hell you’re not. You haven’t stopped yawning since I got here. Were you up late with Holden last night?”

“What? No.”

I haven’t even told Daisy about the night Holden and Ispent together. Our incredible, unforgettable night. And then the next morning, when we woke up and everything changed. Sometimes I wonder if that night meant nothing to Holden, if I could have misread it that badly. But then I remind myself that he broke his year-long vow of celibacy, and he also came three times inside of me. I wasn’t imaging that.

“What is going on with you two? Is he still acting weird?”

I’ve never been good at not being real with Daisy. We tell each other everything. For weeks I’ve kept this to myself, and I feel like I’m going to combust.

“I slept with Holden,” I admit, squeezing my eyes shut, afraid of what she’s going to say.

Her hand playfully nudges my shoulder. “’Yousleptwith Holden?”

“I did. I know I shouldn’t have. I had a moment of weakness. I clearly wasn’t thinking straight.”

She sets her wine glass on the table. “I need to know more. Tell me everything.”

So, I do. I tell her how we shared a bed for a week while we waited for furniture to arrive for my bedroom. How he caged me in between his thighs in the kitchen before he took me to his room, where we had sex. Then, I tell her about the morning after when we agreed it couldn’t happen again.

Daisy cocks her head at me. “From what you just told me, you and Holden did not agree that it couldn’t happen again.Youtold him it couldn’t happen again. There’s a difference, Bri. It sounds like he didn’t agree to anything.”

Could Daisy be right? I mean, I thought at the time we both agreed, but now that I think about it, maybe that’s not actually what happened. Is that why he won’t talk to me? He feels rejected. Like I only wanted him for one night of sex.

I fall back into the couch cushions. I feel bad, worried that I hurt him. “Oh god. You’re right, maybe that’s why he’s avoiding me.”

“But you like him?”

“Sorta.”

“You like him,” she teases. “So, how was the sex?”

“So good.” The words fly out of my mouth before I have a chance to realize what I’m admitting to. My eyes go wide as Daisy laughs at me.

“Okay, so if you like him and the sex was good, then why can’t it happen again?”

“We’re at totally different places, Dais. Holden doesn’t want a relationship, and I don’t want to just sleep with a guy. I want to get serious with someone. I want a home, kids, all of it. Holden told me he doesn’t want a family at all,” I tell her.

“He told you he doesn’t want to have children? Like, ever?” she asks, eyebrows raised.

I nod. “Holden is sweet and thoughtful and he’s always thinking about me, doing nice things. Daisy, he makes me a cup of my favorite tea every morning and every night before I go to bed. He’s funny and smart too, and he’s nothing like… him. I trust him. But as much as I like him, we just want different things. And I am not looking to get into another relationship that goes nowhere.”

She smiles sympathetically. “I’m going to be honest with you, like I always am. You did the right thing by telling him you couldn’t sleep with him again. It was smart to end things before they began if you’re not on the same page. I know it sucks, babe, but it’s better this way before you get too attached.”

She’s right. There’s no possibility of a future with Holden. We weren’t meant to be.

“I’m sorry, Briar.” She squeezes my thigh. “There’s a great guy out there for you, I promise, but you’re not going to find him on the couch, wearing that,” she side-eyes my sweats, “and eating chocolate chip cookies with me.”

I burst out laughing. “Okay, okay. Next time, we’ll go out.”

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