Page 59 of Wish You Would

Does she think about that night too? Does she lie awake every night trying to forget how good we were together like I do? How perfectly we fit, how good her skin felt against mine. The truth is there’s no way I could ever forget. I hope she hasn’t forgotten either.

But does she regret it now that she is having my baby? That’s assuming she wants to have the baby. What would I do if she doesn’t? What do I do if she does?

Fuck. Is this actually happening?

A baby.

What do I know about having a baby?

I don’t even want kids. How am I going to be a dad?

I knock on the door.

“Holden, I’m fine. Go away.”

I slowly nudge open the door anyway. Briar is wiping her face with a washcloth, so I take another from the cabinet, run it under the tap and wipe the back of her neck with it.

“I told you to go away.” She squeezes her eyes shut as she’s holding her stomach.

“I’m not going away, as much as you might like me to,” I tell her, running the cool cloth over her shoulders. She leans into my touch.

Briar is resilient and strong, so it’s hard to see her like this. Her green eyes are pleading, and I realize that what she needs right now is support, not a million questions.

“You don’t need to do that but thank you. That feels good.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to,” I say to her back before my eyes meet hers in the mirror.

“I haven’t known for long,” she says, as if reading my mind. “I just took the test.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat. For the past few weeks, practically all I’ve thought about is wanting to be back in Briar’s life. To be somebody to her. To mean something to the girl who walked into my life and changed me. But I never would have imagined that this would be the thing that would get us talking to each other again. Not a fucking chance.

“I haven’t been with anyone but you,” she says, and I nod my head knowing it’s true. We live together. I know she’s been here every night. Besides that, I trust her.

“I know. For what it’s worth, neither have I.”

I don’t know why I just said that, but something in me wanted her to know so I hold Briar’s gaze in the mirror silently telling her that it meant something to me. I need her to know that night was special.

But what happens next?

There is no way she is going through this alone. I’ll be there for her in any way I can. She would want that, wouldn’t she? Would she want more?

There issomethingthere between us. I feel it every time I’m in the same room with her. She must feel it too. We have chemistry. It’s palpable.

And now we’re having a baby.

“I’d like to keep this between us… at least until we confirm it with a doctor.” She looks down at the sink, her face going even paler.

“I guess that’s probably smart. That’s fine by me.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs. “I think I feel a bit better. I’m going to sit on the back porch and get some fresh air.”

I nod, taking a step backwards so she can squeeze her way past me. Once she’s down the hall, I lean forward on the bathroom counter.

Shit.What do I do now?

After taking a deep breath, I find my way to the kitchen, grab two water bottles from the fridge and crackers for Briar then I pour another glass of whiskey for me. After I’ve downed it, I bring the water and saltine crackers outside to Briar. She’s sitting on a porch chair, her hair tied up in a messy bun on her head, her legs stretched out and propped up on the chair across from her.

“I got you water and crackers to help with the nausea.” I lift her feet off the chair and sit down then put her feet in my lap. If she’s uncomfortable at all with me touching her, she doesn’t show it.

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