Page 61 of Wish You Would

It has to be okay; I’ll make sure of it. I’ll talk to my mom. She’ll know what to do, she always does. I sure as fuck have no idea what happens next. So, I’ll take Briar to the doctor, confirm the news, and then we’ll talk to my mom. I feel the tightness in my chest start to ease now that I have a plan. At least for now.

“We’ll take it one day at a time. First thing is to make an appointment with your doctor.”

Briar sits up in my lap, shifts back to her chair. “I’ll call today.”

“I’d like to come with you if that’s okay.”

She untwists her hair out of the knot on her head then redoes it. She has a little more color in her face. I’m guessing that’s the way it’s going to be for the next nine months. Good days and hard days, but I’ll be here to get her through it. She should probably give up her lease and stay here with me. It would be better if I was around to help her, but that doesn’t need to be decided today. We have three or four weeks until her apartment will be ready for her to move into.

“That would be good,” she nods.

I’m relieved that she chose not to argue with me about it like she tends to do about everything. Despite everything, I am happy we’re talking, that we’re getting along again. Things between us haven’t been the same since we slept together. Do I have regrets that we had sex? Not for a second. Even if this is where we’ve ended up.

“Do you want to stay out here a little longer or can I take you for… oh, I guess I shouldn’t take you for ice cream,” I say, hoping to make her smile. When the corners of her mouth tip up, I consider it a win. “How about the bakery?”

“Sure,” she says, taking a cracker from the plate.

I stand up, looking down at her. “Briar?”

She stands too, her eyes narrowing in concern. “Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll keep talking to me. Don’t shut me out. You promise?”

“Holden,” she pleads. “I hated that we stopped talking. I hated every minute of it.”

“You didn’t answer my question, Bee.” I cup the back of her head, pulling her into my chest. Her arms snake around my waist. I kiss the top of her head. “Promise me you’ll talk to me.”

“I promise.”

SIXTEEN

AN ATTITUDE LARGER THAN THE SIZE OF CANADA

Holden

I’ve known about today’s appointment for a week but I’m still not sure I’m ready for the doctor to walk in. I’m pretty sure Briar feels the same way. She’s sitting on the exam table, wringing her hands in her lap and staring at something invisible on the wall in front of her.

It feels surreal. The moment the doctor confirms what we already know, it will make this all real. We’ll have a due date when we walk out of here.

God, this is really happening.

My chest feels tight like there’s a 1,000-pound weight resting on it. Honestly, the thought of becoming a dad terrifies the fuck out of me. I don’t have a clue what it takes to care for a baby. I’m man enough to admit that I’ve never been more scared of anything in my life. But when push comes to shove, I always figure my shit out, and I will step up and take care of both Briar and our baby. I would never want my child to question whether their dad loves them.

Briar’s hesitant eyes land on mine, and she smiles at me shakily. The woman is so effortlessly pretty it makes mewant to kiss that small smile right off her lips. Since I found out that she’s pregnant, I feel so fucking possessive over her. I worry about making sure she’s safe, making sure that nothing bad happens to her or the baby. I have this overwhelming feeling in my chest that makes me want to protect her.

“Say something, Holden. The waiting is driving me insane.” Briar looks over at me from where she’s sitting on the exam table.

“Did you know they say you can tell if it’s a boy or a girl by the heartbeat. If it’s high, it’s a girl and if it’s low it’s a boy.”

Briar’s eyes widen. “Who’s they? And how on God’s green earth do you know that, Holden?”

I shrug a shoulder. “I was googling about pregnancy and babies on the internet. Oh, and I downloaded this cool app I wanted to show you.”

I think her jaw actually hits the floor. “You were researching about parenting?” She says it like it’s the most absurd thing she’s ever heard.

“Is that surprising?”

“Well, yeah, a little. What else did you learn?”

---