Page 89 of Wish You Would

I stare at Holden, trying to get a read on what he’s thinking, but his expression is impossible to decipher. I want himto tell me to stay. God, the thought of living apart kills me. I wait, holding my breath, hoping he’ll tell me to cancel my lease.

Instead, he says, “That’s great, Briar. If you want me to come with you, you know I will.”

My heart drops. The somber realization that he isn’t going to ask me to stay makes me feel sick.

“I’m late for work. We’ll figure out the details tonight.” He kisses my forehead, but the gesture is lacking real emotion. His brows are furrowed, his eyes are blank and hard. It feels nothing like Holden.

“Okay.”

Before he walks away, I catch his hand, bringing it to my mouth to kiss the inside of his wrist. My eyes plead for him to ask me to stay. “I’ve got to go, Bee. I’m going to be late.”

Reluctantly, I let his hand go. “Have a good day, babe.”

He walks to the front door and then he’s gone.

Now that I have Holden, I don’t want to let him go. I might only be moving out, but it feels a lot like I’m losing him.

TWENTY-FIVE

YOU’RE GORGEOUS WHEN YOU COME

Holden

Briar looks happy.

Before today, she’s only ever seen the apartment online. When her flight touched down in Reed Point, the place was already under two inches of water.

Now, it’s a brand-new apartment with fresh paint, gleaming hardwood floors, and white kitchen cabinets. There’s not a scratch or a speck of dirt. It’s beautiful.

My hand intertwined with hers, she leads me down the hall to the bedroom, pointing out the reasons that she fell in love with the place from the listing.

“The bedroom has a little balcony, and there’s a view of the park across the street. I thought I could do yoga out here.” She pulls open the sliding glass door and steps onto the balcony, an enthusiastic grin on her face.

“I didn’t know you like yoga.”

“I don’t, but you can picture it, right?” She beams, her eyes sparkling.

“Absolutely.”

Icanpicture it. The place is perfect for her. A spacious living room, new appliances, one and half bathrooms and a small den for Slugger. The walls are white, but she would add her pillows and plants to make it colorful. Just like she did at my house.

I want to hate it. I want it to be too small or poorly finished, anything so that she wouldn’t be this fucking impressed. But if this is what she wants, I can’t stop her. If she wants to prove to herself that she can do this on her own, then I have to let her. I never want to be the person who stands in her way.

“Come look at the ensuite! Maybe it will have a shower big enough for the both of us when you visit.”

When I visit.

I’ve never hated three words more.

“Do you think it’s too small?” she asks, a crease forming between her eyebrows.

“No, I didn’t say that. Why? Do you?”

“No, you just looked… I don’t know… like you don’t like the bathroom.”

I bring her hand to my mouth, kissing her knuckles, trying harder to be happy for my girlfriend. “I think it’s perfect.” I kiss the tip of her thumb. “Look at the cabinet. It’s big enough for all 200 of your hair products.”

She bends forward to look inside the cupboard. “You’ll appreciate having your bathroom back the way you like it. No more of my mess. You won’t do that eye twitch thing you do every time you walk past it and see my things.”

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