Page 50 of Just a Little Crush

After lunch, Raven, Cara, and I took Owen down to the beach while the men went to the lounge to watch a football game. While Cara and Owen kicked around a beach ball on the sand, Raven and I reclined on lounge chairs beneath umbrellas, sipping on fruity drinks that had been delivered to us.

“So, what’s going on with you?” Raven asked, setting her drink on the small table between us. “And don’t tell me you’re fine, because that would be a lie.”

It was the first time we’d been alone together since arriving at the Hamptons, and leave it to my best friend to be blunt. “There’s just a lot that’s happened this past week, as you well know.” I lifted my braced hand to make my point.

She didn’t look convinced. “Did something happen between you and Caleb? The two of you seem…off, and you especially seem quieter than usual and more closed off.”

I glanced out at the ocean and sighed, because I couldn’t deny her claim. At least her impression about my mood lately, because I knew I was the one who’d created that divide between myself and Caleb.

Caleb had been nothing but attentive since our night together after the gala, but not in an overbearing way. I knew he was concerned about my wrist, which was still in a brace, but I realized now that the issue with Mark was resolved, Caleb’s actions toward me were more…subdued. It was as though he’d taken his cues from me, clearly sensing, and respecting, those walls I’d re-erected to keep my emotions safe from potential heartbreak. Like a man who was completely in tune to my needs, he was giving me space, free from pressure or expectations.

It’s what I thought I wanted, that pulling back was necessary…yet I missed our easy flirtations. The way he’d touch me just because he could. How he’d looked at me as if I was the only woman who mattered to him. I still saw glimpses of those things, but it was clear that Caleb was letting me figure things out, without making me feel smothered, which was one of the things I loved about him.

Yes, I loved him, and it made me wonder, despite my misgivings about fitting into his world, if losing Caleb and that deep, undeniable connection between us was worth it. Was I letting my pride and insecurities get in the way of what could be the greatest love of my life? But then again, I really had no idea where I stood with Caleb, and what would happen once the custody case was over.

“Hey, are you still with me?” Raven snapped her fingers in front of me.

I blinked, realizing that I’d zoned out and she was still waiting for an answer. “Sorry,” I said, shaking my head.

“Yeah, not sure where you disappeared to, but welcome back,” she joked.

I exhaled a deep breath before speaking and giving Raven the truth. “You asked if something happened between Caleb and I, and honestly, the issue is me,” I admitted.

“You?” Her brows rose. “How so?”

“After my run-in with Alyssa at the gala, I can’t deny she planted doubts and insecurities about not being the kind of woman who blended into Caleb’s world, because of how I grew up, and feeling like an outsider looking in.” I stared at my newly painted pink toenails for a few beats, before shifting my gaze back to Raven’s. “I mean, those doubts were always there, but I’d be lying if I said she didn’t amplify them.”

Raven tipped her head. “And what kind of woman are you referring to, who would be a better match for Caleb?”

I shrugged. “Someone sophisticated and worldly, who knows all the etiquette and formalities of being with an obscenely wealthy man like Caleb.”

Raven rolled her eyes, that sarcasm transferring to her voice when she said, “Yeah, because Caleb marrying someone from his social circle worked out really well the first time.”

“You know what I mean,” I said, shifting restlessly on the lounge chair.

“Let me tell you what I do know,” Raven said, her expression completely serious. “As you’re already aware, I’ve lived two separate lives, one with money, and one without, so I know what it’s like to have those insecurities. I was adopted into the Kane family, but I was never embraced by a mother who should have loved me regardless of who I am. I was raised with all the luxuries money could buy, but was never accepted in the way I craved but rather made to feel like I was a burden, not to mention responsible for Lance’s behavior when he assaulted me the first time, when I was a teenager.”

I held back a reaction because I knew the story and understood it was a sensitive one for Raven.

“What I do know,” she went on, “and learned from Cassandra and Lance, is that money and wealth doesn’t give you integrity. It doesn’t give you morals or decency. You could be dirt poor or filthy rich, but if you don’t have those core values, then what kind of person are you? You’re someone like Cassandra, or Alyssa, who is self-centered and a bitch who has to put others down to feel better about themselves.”

Raven’s gaze suddenly softened as she continued. “Then you have men like Caleb, and Remy, who are honorable, ethical, and dependable. Men who don’t judge a person for things that are out of their control, like my past with Lance, and yours with your father. They don’t give a shit about those things when it comes to the women they care about.”

I swallowed hard, Raven’s words resonating deep inside of me.

“There are always going to be insecure women like Alyssa who will try to bring other women down,” she went on. “All that should matter to you is what Caleb thinks, and I already know by the way he looks at you and treats you, he’s crazy about you. Now, it’s up to you to believe that you’re enough for him just as you are, that you deserve a man who makes you happy, no matter his social standing, without any doubts or insecurities getting in the way of your happiness.”

My heart pounded in my chest as I realized that was exactly what I was doing. Allowing my feelings of inadequacy to keep me from taking that final leap of faith with Caleb. To trust that a man like him, who’d already proven himself in so many ways, would love me just as I was.

Even though I had no alone time with Caleb, Raven’s advice stayed with me for the rest of the afternoon and evening, and through to the next morning when everyone met down in the restaurant for brunch to celebrate Owen’s seventh birthday. As our small group was led to a more private area of the dining room, Caleb smiled at me and placed a hand low on my back as we walked in that direction—not because it was expected, but because I knew it was something that was just instinctual for him, and because he wanted to touch me, to let me know he cared despite the fact that I’d pulled back due to my insecurities and fears.

Feeling as though I’d made some kind of mental and emotional breakthrough after my conversation with Raven the previous day, I was anxious to talk to Caleb, to tell him that I didn’t wantusto be over after the custody case. Here in the Hamptons, with Owen and family around, it wasn’t the place to have that discussion, but I was prepared to fight for all the things Caleb had silently offered me—protection, a safe space, and the kind of emotional security I’d never had before. He’d given me all those things, and so much more, and I’d be a fool to let my pride get in the way of something so special and rare. And I needed to tell him that I wanted us, that I wantedhim, and everything that came with being a part of his life.

He glanced at me as we sat next to each other, and I smiled at him—not the kind of obligatory smile I’d been resorting to all week because of those walls I’d erected, but a real and intimate one that softened my features and hopefully conveyed my willingness to let him in.

He tipped his head, as if sensing the change in me. “I take it you slept well last night?” he asked as everyone else settled into their seats, with Owen sitting beside me at the end of the table.

“I would have slept better in your bed, with you,” I teased in a whisper, giving him enough to realize that I was also completely serious.

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