Page 42 of Gluttony

But it was hiswordsthat hit her the hardest—though it took a moment for them to line up in her brain.

Rage, unfiltered and blistering, thrashed through her, stealing her breath and snapping the last thread of her anxiety.

The motherfucker dared to say what he said after the fuckery he pulled? Oh, hell fucking nah!

She ramped up her struggling, and barked, “You motherfucking piece of shit—let me go!”

Recoiling at her violence, Red’s grip on her wrists loosened, and she ripped herself from his hold. Her hands free, she shoved at him, her anger and frustration a boost in her strength, as Red stumbled backward a step, giving her room to hurry around him and toward the door.

Fuck closure; he could fucking choke on regret for all she cared!

“Val! What the fuck?” he barked as he reached for her. She jerked her hand away, just barely avoiding his touch. “You honestly think I’d let my woman fuck another man?”

Shaking with emotions, many she couldn’t name in that moment, she spun on her heel and faced him, baring her teeth.

“Do you hear yourself?” she shouted, ignoring the ringing phone once more. “You’re pissed that I justsaidI want to fuck someone else—and you’veactually done it! You’ve actually stuck your dick in another woman, Redtube! At least I can change my mind and there’s no consequences, but actually fucking her, actually giving a piece of yourself to someone, a piece you can never get back? That’s a whole other level of betrayal.”

Growling, Red thrust his hands through his already mussed hair. “Is this about the fucking cake again?”

“Yes!” she cried. “Yes, it is about the fucking cake, and it’s also about your lies, your cowardice, and your failure to have any sort of self-control.”

His big body shuddered, his face hardening, his nostrils flaring. His hands curled into fists at his sides, violence and rage pulsing from him in waves. But she wasn’t scared of him, she knew he’d never hurt her—like that, at least.

“So, you’re going to punish me, is that it? I hurt you, I fucked around—when we weren’t even a couple—so you’re going to throw other men in my face?”

She laughed humorlessly, the sound making him cringe.

“No, we weren’t official, but you knew how I felt about you, you knew what I thought you felt about me. In my mind, in my heart, we were together, we were slowly but surely building something special.” Yeah, that was partly her fault for assuming, for hoping without having communicated openly about expectations. But it was also his fault for not even considering how she’d feel about him fucking around. And that was where all the pain came from. Her breath hitched as the tears began spilling town her cheeks.

Red cursed, cupping her face and using his thumbs to wipe away the stream, but there were too many.

“Fuck…Val…” he rasped, pain thickening his voice. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

She tried to shake her head, but his hands on her face held her in place. God, she hated that she desired his touch, was even relieved to have it, but at the same time she loathed it, that he was close enough, that he was touching her with hands that touched other women. Pleasured other women.

Women who didn’t look like her, women who weren’t fat or pale or scarred or short or dull. Women who looked perfect beside him.

Something deep inside her wrenched, tearing, splintering, shattering, and she cried out, “You destroyed me!”

Stunned, he jerked as if she’d struck him, an animalistic sound of anguish exploded from his chest, like a lion taking bullet in the leg from a poacher.

But she couldn’t stop the flow of wordsortears.

“Me justsayingI would fuck someone else set you off, so imagine how I feelknowingyou’veactuallydone it! That a womanwho isn’t mewas naked against you, your bodies pressed together, skin against skin. She got to feel your body on hers, your flesh, your heat. A womanwho isn’t megot to feel your breath against her face, on her neck. A womanwho isn’t megot to feel your lips on her, kissing her, licking her, giving her pleasure. A womanwho isn’t mesaw you naked, saw you bare andarousedfor her—not me—her! A womanwho isn’t mefelt you slide inside her, filling her, bottoming out inside her, stretching her. A womanwho isn’t megot to touch you with her hands, got to feel your muscles flex beneath your skin as you thrust into her, making her feel good, makingyoufeel good. She gasped, she moaned, and you did, too. A womanwho is not melaid beneath you, watching your face as you took your pleasure, as your face went slack as you came. A womanwho is not meheard your groans, your grunts, your hisses, your moans as you worked to find your release, as you worked to make her come. A womanwho is not melaid beside you, satiated, exhausted, wellfucked, and she traced your tattoos with her fingers. A womanwho is not metook somethingfrom methat I can never get back—that moment. Thatsingle momentwhen you found pleasure with her, when you gave yourself to her. And you did that over and over and over again, one ‘hair tie’ after another, all while I remained ignorant, believing in your promise to ‘wait’, blissfully unaware that the man I loved was stealing these moments from me to give to someone else. All while I thought of you, dreamed of you, foolishly planned a future with you—as you gave what should have been mine to awoman who isn’t me.”

Shuddering, her chest burning, her face wet with tears, she let out a single sob.

“No, we weren’t together, no labels, right—but my heart was yours, and you carried it with you even as you betrayed it.”

No longer capable of holding herself together—because it felt like the cosmos were being ripped apart, she collapsed.

Strong arms caught her, holding her against a hard, warm chest, a chest that was trembling, over a heart that was racing. She was in his arms, his embrace, and she hated that she’d never felt safer.

Red held her as she cried, sobbing, tears burning rivulets down her heated face. Her throat ached from her wretched cries, her chest ached from the unutterable pain, and her body was numb, only upright because he was keeping her there. Holding her together when everything around her was falling apart.

What seemed like hours later, Val slowly surfaced from the deep, dark pit into which she’d fallen. The first thing she noticed was that she was sitting. In a lap. She tensed, but the thick, strong arms around her only tightened.

“You’re alright, my love…” Red’s deep voice rasped in her ear, his warm breath like a balm to her nerves. “I’ve got you.” As if to prove it, again, his arms tightened around her.

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