Page 12 of Gluttony

She was silent, her heart pounding, her lungs constricting, her throat thickening. She squeezed her eyes shut, the tears still escaping down her cheeks.

She really was a chicken shit, caught up in her fear of rejection, of falling in love with a man who’d take one look at herand run for the hills. And this was her punishment; having her heart broken by a man who didn’t value her or her feelings.

Cut him off, make him bleed!

“Val?”

She forced air into her lungs, and swallowed, begging her body not to give out on her just yet.

Not yet.

“You’re right,” she admitted, her voice shaky. “You’re right.” As she repeated the words, they got stronger.

“Valentina, you and me, we’ll be good together, you know that. Youfeelthat,” he spoke, a desperation in his voice. “I want to give you what you need, I want to be the man you need. You just have to trust me, you have to come to me, show me who you are. I want to see you. To touch you. I wantyouto be the one in my bed. Those women…they don’t mean anything. They’re just placeholders until the woman I really want is in my arms.”

More pieces of cake cut out and given to the unworthy, leaving nothing but smears of icing behind.

She deserved more than icing!

“They will never be who I actually want—you and me would be forever, Val,” he declared. “You just have to trust me, baby. I only want you.”

Every word he spoke was another galvanized steel spike driven into her chest.

I’ll wait for you….

Trust me….

He wanted her trust, but he wasn’t willing to show her that he wastrustworthy. To earn her trust. To prove to her that, once she’d given him her heart, laid herself bare before him, that he wouldn’t break her, betray her, kill her heart and soul.

Trust me….

And now, she never would.

FIVE

Unrelenting anguish tore through her,but she couldn’t stop. Even though the man on the screen, the man she loved, was glaring at her like she’d done something wrong.

Why did that make her feel worse?

No! You did nothing wrong except love someone you shouldn’t have.

Pulling back, she allowed the data, that methodical brain of hers, to rise to the fore—protecting her, speaking for her.

“Wait: a verb, meaning to remain inactive, in a state of repose, to remain neglected for a time in expectation of something. Synonyms: delay, abide, linger. That’s the Webster’s definition, but if that isn’t enough, the relationship threads on Reddit define it as a show of loyalty or commitment, to put off your own desires to show you can be trusted, to remain faithful, to make an effort to delay personal gratification….” With each word, her voice got louder and tighter…until finally it snapped. “Basically, when you tell someone you’ll wait for them, you don’t go around fucking anyone else, you keep your goddamn dick in your pants because you promised to be loyal and faithful and committed and trustworthy!”

On the screen, Red’s mouth dropped opened, his eyes wide.

Yeah, fucker, I know all about those fucking hair ties, you piece of shit!

“So…from what I gathered, your definition of wait is drastically different from mine—which is no surprise, really, because it was only a matter of time before you got bored with me, right? Tired of playing the game, pitying and toying with the shy weirdo just wasn’t as fulfilling as you thought it would be. When I didn’t fall at your feet and beg you to fuck me on camera, I lost all appeal?—”

“Shut the fuck up,” he barked, “it isn’t like that at all, Valentina—motherfuck! Where the hell did you get all this bullshit, huh?”

She gave a humorless laugh. “I’ve seen the women in your OnlyFans videos,Redtube. I know you’ve fucked them. That collection of hair ties, yourfuck tokens, on your bedpost are like a slap in the face every time you turn on your camera to chat. Leggy blondes, busty brunettes, red heads, black, Asian, Latina—you don’t discriminate. You have varying tastes—except for one thing.”

“Val—”

“They are all drop dead gorgeous. They’re so perfect and sexy and confident, it’s no wonder you wanted to play with them, to fuck them, to show them off like they prize they are.”

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