Page 4 of Gluttony

Her chest tight, her breathing choppy, tears burning into the backs of her eyes, her body vibrating with unspoken, barely leashed emotions, Val slowly made her way to her car parked in the back lot, furthest from the door.

She’d come there tonight to finally reveal herself, to show him how brave she was, and how brave he’d made her with his encouraging words and willingness to “wait for her.” Instead of all those stupid, starry-eyed plans going the way she’d been dreaming of, she was leaving the bar, broken, angry, and filled with more self-doubt than she’d ever felt before.

How could she have been so stupid? So gullible? So utterly pathetic?

Just like in his Instagram Reels where he’d worn a mask and played the wicked @RedDevilDog, Redtube had been playing a part all along; he’d played her, and she’d fallen for every lie.

TWO

Val didn’t knowhow she got home, only that she’d found herself sitting at her desk, staring at her reflection in the dark monitors in front of her. She’d taken the day off of work to prepare for the evening, picking her outfit—a pair of relaxed fit jeans, a dark green turtleneck, a color her mother once said brought out the color in her eyes, and a pair of black and white Chucks—psyching herself up for her first face-to-face with the man she loved, and cleaning up her house just in case he wanted to come back to her place to…talk.

All of the preparation was wasted. And now, she was sitting at her desk, wondering if she should just act like she’d never been at Cool Hands, had never seen or heard what she did…that her heart didn’t break. Could she get on their chat tomorrow and act like nothing had changed, knowing everything had? Was she that desperate to be loved that she was willing to ignore his lies just to keeping speaking with him, keep fantasizing about when they would finally be together?

He doesn’t deserve another second of your time, Val,a raspy, neglected voice in the back of her mind grated.

But…what if tonight was just a mistake. Maybe this was the first time in forty-eight days he’d taken someone home. Maybehe wasn’t really planning to have sex with her, maybe they were going to film one of those scenes for his OnlyFans, the ones where they look like they were going to fuck but they didn’t.

Can you hear yourself, you fucking moron?This was another voice, one she heard often, the voice that was always there, always picking away at her self-esteem. The voice of brutal truth. Because shewasa moron.

That pathetic, hopeful loser inside of her desperately wanted the night to have all been a nightmare. The things Red said in that booth to his brothers…they couldn’t be true. He’d told her he’d wait for her, that he wanted her, wanted to be with her, to start something special with her—he’d told her that during a video chat, his expression sincere, his words ringing with veracity and warmth.

But we both know he’s good at putting on a scene for the camera.There was that voice oftruthagain.

Struck by those words, the ones she’d known at the depths of her being, she exhaled heavily.

She had to know for sure.

Her hands moving with long stored muscle memory, she turned on her computer, clicked through her bookmarks to Redtube’s OnlyFan’s account, and began watching the videos from the beginning.

Blue.

Black.

Sparkly pink.

Red.

Orange.

Two more black.

White.

Two more red.

Again and again, she clicked, watched, and counted.

With each video, the number and variety of hair ties accumulating on his dark gray bedpost grew.

Finally, she clicked on his most recent video, one he’d uploaded two days ago, a week after the last one was posted. Yeah, she was a naïve fool to think he was just “acting”, that he was just giving subscribers what they wanted, playing the part of the gluttonous thirst trap, seducing the woman in the scene with him, that the “acting” stopped when the camera turned off, that the two players would go their separate ways, and Red would spend the rest of the night thinking of Val, wishing he could be with her,waitingfor her….

Sucking in a deep breath, holding it, Val clicked PLAY.

The tears burning the backs of her eyes broke loose and cascaded down her cheeks. Ravaged sobs built, then exploded from her chest.

There were five new hair ties on his bedpost.

Her thoughts screaming, her heart racing, her body stiff and numb at the same time, she couldn’t tear her gaze from the screen. She couldn’t stop watching.

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