Page 51 of Forty, Flirty & Fake-ly Yours

His mouth does that almost-smile thing that absolutelydoesn't make my pulse jump. "Speaking of metrics..." He moves closer, voice dropping. "I've been analyzing some interesting patterns in our recent interactions?—"

"Places, everyone!" Dani interrupts, herding our group members to their seats. "Time for Seattle's most logical bachelor to explain why love is basically just math!"

The next hour is... interesting.

"Statistically speaking," Grayson tells our rapt audience, "compatibility can be quantified through careful analysis of key variables including but not limited to shared interests, communication patterns, and?—"

"Marvin the Magnificent respectfully disagrees!" A puff of smoke reveals Dani's suitor perched on top of a corner coffee table. "True love is like Marvin the Magnificent's favorite illusion: impossible to explain, beautiful to behold!"

Three doves materialize, forming a heart shape before scattering papers everywhere.

"Actually," Grayson continues smoothly, "behavioral patterns suggest that successful relationships follow predictable?—"

"Behold!" Marvin produces a bouquet from thin air. "Like these flowers, love blooms unexpectedly!"

"According to my latest algorithm?—"

"According to Marvin the Magnificent's heart?—"

"Oh my God," I mutter to Dani. "It's like watching a Hallmark movie fight a spreadsheet."

She sighs happily. "Isn't it romantic?"

The evening devolves from there. Every time Grayson tries to explain his systematic approach to finding love, Marvin the Magnificent appears in increasingly improbable places to offer mystical counterpoints. By the time we reach the Q&A portion, we've gained approximately twelve doves and lost three chairs to "temporary" vanishing acts.

"Perhaps a demonstration?" one of our regulars suggests. "Show us how your different approaches work in practice?"

"Marvin the Magnificent volunteers as test subject!"

"Actually," another member pipes up, "we were thinking more like... you two." She points between me and Grayson. "You know, since you're already dating..."

The room goes quiet except for the soft cooing of doves and what sounds suspiciously like Marvin attempting to sawing my desk in half.

"That's not—" I start.

"A terrible idea," Grayson finishes, and something in his voice makes me look up. He's watching me with an expression that can’t possibly be in our contract. "After all, we're a perfect example of how different approaches can... complement each other."

"Complement?" I echo. "Is that what you call our coat closet compatibility testing?"

The skin near his collar reddens, but his voice stays steady. "I was thinking more about statistical anomalies in heart rate variability when?—"

"Marvin the Magnificent senses unresolved tension!" A shower of rose petals falls from nowhere. "Like Marvin the Magnificent's signature dove trick, love cannot be contained by mere logic!"

"Actually," Grayson counters, moving closer to me, "recent data suggests that certain chemical reactions between individuals can create measurable patterns of attraction that?—"

"What my fake boyfriend is trying to say," I cut in, "is that sometimes the most logical thing is admitting that not everything can be calculated."

The room goes silent again. Even the doves stop cooing.

"Fake boyfriend?" someone whispers.

Oops.

"What she means," Grayson cuts in, his deep voicebooming over the space, "is that our relationship defies traditional metrics. Much like..." He glances at our magical friend. "Much like Marvin the Magnificent's abilities defy explanation."

"Marvin the Magnificent is touched by the comparison!"

More rose petals. More doves. Possibly a rabbit.

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