Page 106 of Forty, Flirty & F*cked

I swipe at my eyes. "What?"

"Connor." She sits beside me. "She would have liked how he challenges you. How he makes you brave."

"I wasn't brave." I laugh wetly. "I was a coward. I ruined everything because I was too scared to trust. To need. To?—"

"Love?" She bumps my shoulder. "Because that's what this is really about, isn't it? Not the marriage or the IPO or any of the excuses you're both hiding behind."

"Kat..."

"You love him." She says it simply. "And he loves you. And you're both too scared of ending up like your parents to admit it."

The revelation hits me square in the chest.

Because she's right.

I'm not afraid of needing Connor. I'm afraid of losing him like I lost Mom. Like he lost his mother. Like we both learned that love means watching someone slip away while you're still holding on.

After a while, she sighs. "Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell him?About the marriage, I mean. About all of it."

I swallow hard, staring into the rain. "Because if I said it out loud, it would be real. And real things… they can fall apart."

"You really believe that?"

I let out an empty laugh. "Everything I’ve ever let myself need has been taken from me, Kat. Mom. Dad, in a way, when he got sick. And Connor… he was never really mine to keep, was he?"

She watches me for a long time. "Ari, you didn’t keep it from us because you thought we’d judge you. You kept it from us because you were scared of how much you wanted it to last."

Tears burn behind my eyes, and I shake my head. "It doesn’t matter now. He won’t take my calls. Won’t let me explain. Won’t?—"

"Fight for you?"

I blink. "What?"

"Maybe," she says carefully, "he’s waiting for you to fight for him. To prove that someone will actually stay."

"I tried."

"Did you?" She raises an eyebrow. "Or did you let him walk away because it was easier than risking everything?"

Before I can respond, a crash sounds from inside.

"It's fine!" Lily calls. "Everything's fine! Though, uh... maybe don't drink anything green for a while?"

"Oh god." Kat stands. "We should?—"

"Go." I wave her off. "Before Dad tries to salvage the smoothie."

She hesitates in the doorway. "You know we love you, right? That we're not going anywhere?"

"I know."

"Good." She smiles sadly. "Now maybe try believing that about someone else too."

She leaves me with the rain and the memories and the ghost of everything I almost let myself have.

My phone buzzes one final time:

MADAME ROUSSEAU: The studio misses you, chérie

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