Page 2 of Forty, Flirty & F*cked

“By stalking her Instagram and triple-ordering room service?”

“I prefer to think of it as conducting opposition research while supporting the local hospitality industry.”

“You’re also organizing Dad’s medical bills,” Kat notes, scrolling through my phone. “And checking Lily’s credit score.”

“Hey!” Lily protests. “I told you I paid that parking ticket.”

“The six parking tickets,” I correct, pulling the covers over my head. “And the late fee on your student loans.”

“See?” Lily whines. “Even heartbroken, she can’t stop managing everyone’s life. It’s like her superpower.”

“Along with my ability to spot bullshit from a mile away. Which clearly needs recalibrating since I missed nineteen years of Will’s.”

“You didn’t miss it.” Kat’s voice—not to mention those signature disapproving hazel eyes of hers—hardens. “You chose to believe the best in someone you loved. There’s a difference.”

“Yeah,” Lily adds, “the difference is he’s an asshole who didn’t deserve you. Now, can we please go destroy his life? I know people.”

I finally lower the covers. “What people?”

“You know... people. Who do things. Legally adjacent things.”

“Did you just offer to have my ex whacked?”

“More like professionally inconvenienced.” She examines her nails. “Though if he happened to get food poisoning at an important meeting…”

“No one’s poisoning anyone,” Kat interjects, though her lips twitch. “But I might know someone at the IRS who owes me a favor.”

I shift in my nest of sheets, grimacing as something crinkles beneath me. Probably the wrapper from last night’s chocolate lava cake. Or this morning’s. Or the one I definitely didn’t order at 3 AM.

“I should change these sheets,” I mutter, picking at what appears to be fossilized ganache.

“You think?” Lily’s amber eyes bear a hole into my bed. “Pretty sure there’s enough chocolate in there to qualify as a geological formation.”

Kat lifts the corner of my duvet, then immediately drops it. “Oh God. Did you eat an entire cake in bed?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I brush crumbs off my shirt. “I ate three entire cakes. And something called a ‘Death by Chocolate Symphony’ that I’m pretty sure violated several FDA regulations.”

“And the candy bars?” Lily points to a pile of wrappers.

“Emotional support.”

“And the ice cream?”

“Medicinal purposes.” I shift again, wincing as crumbs migrate to uncomfortable places. “Though in retrospect, maybe eating a pint of Rocky Road while lying down wasn’t my best life choice.”

“At least it wasn’t the hot fudge sundae,” Lily offers.

Kat and I both look at her.

“The one you ordered last night?” Lily continues. “That’s currently…” She gestures to a suspicious dark stain by my pillow.

“Oh God.” I finally sit up, dislodging what feels like half a bakery’s worth of crumbs. “I’m disgusting.”

“No,” Kat says firmly, blonde bob swaying as she turns on me. “You’re grieving. Though maybe next time we grieve with less structural damage to the bedding. And maybe fit in a shower.”

“I showered yesterday.”

“No, you didn’t.” Lily wrinkles her nose. “Trust me, we’d know.”

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