Page 42 of Breakaway Goal

Normally, I’d hold out my hand to help Maddie up. But this time, I don’t.

My mind is still scrambled, a confused tangle of thoughts, feelings, and images of what just happened—images of what would have happened if it weren’t for the loud chiming of the church bells from a couple blocks away that still sound in the air.

Maddie and I don’t exchange a word as we walk back home. My nerves are frayed, and the couple blocks back to campus feel like they last an eternity.

“Here’s my stop,” she says with a forced, nervous laugh. “Bye.”

I nod. “Bye. Have a good night.”

She lingers in front of me on the sidewalk next to campus for a long beat of time, before she finally gives me a curt nod andturns, walking toward her dorm a lot faster than she normally would.

A sigh pulls from my throat before I resume my walk back home. What the fuck just happened?

But that’s a stupid question. I know what just happened.

I almost kissed my best friend’s little sister.

And I don’t have the energy to deceive myself into believing that I’m relieved rather than disappointed in thatalmost.

20

MADDIE

I’m in the exhibition hall of the art building, looking at the works on display. The current exhibition features pieces by seniors who are graduating this year.

There are some interesting works here, and more importantly, browsing through them keeps me busy. And I need to keep my mind busy, because for the last several days, whenever I have a moment to let it wander, it only goes to one place.

To sitting in the park with Rhys—and almost kissing him.

I can’t fool myself this time. That’s what happened. I almost kissed Rhys Callahan.

My eyes were closed, my lips were open, and I was burning from the top of my head down to my fingernails to feel his lips pressed against mine, to feel the heavy lash of his tongue, to breathe in his scent closer than ever before and to finally pair it with his taste.

Thinking back to it, it feels like a dream. A fever dream. The moment he tucked my hair behind my ear, and his finger accidentally brushed against my jaw as he pulled his hand back, it was like I fell into a trance.

What would have happened if the chiming of those bells didn’t pull me back into reality? What would have happened if I kept going, and my lips collided with his?

Would he have pushed me away? Bolted to his feet and run off?

Or would he have leaned in, one hand covering mine, one hand on the side of my neck, as he angled his mouth to …

I shake my head. Sheesh, even when I do have something to occupy my thoughts, I can’t help jumping back to that moment that’s better forgotten.

I’m just happy those bells did chime. Leave it to me to almost ruin one of my most cherished relationships during the last year of our lives that we’re still living close to each other.

“Maddie, hey!”

James walks over from another end of the hall. The smile on his face reveals a row of white teeth and makes his face even more handsome, even though it’s still a kind of handsome that Irecognizerather thanfeel.

But I know it’s time to snap myself out that mindset. I’m going to be saying that to myself about every guy for as long as I hold onto this stupid infatuation with Rhys. I can’t let myself wither away, pining after something that’s never going to happen.

I don’twantto do that. I want to finally start living my life in the real world, rather than keep dreaming about something that’s impossible.

“Hi, James,” I smile to greet him. “Have you checked out this exhibit yet?”

“Nah, first time,” he answers. “I really like this painting over here.”

We wander over and talk about a really interesting impressionist painting of a crowded city street, the surfaces slicked with rain.

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