Page 62 of Love Is Ale You Need

I don’t have the mental capacity to listen to women fawn over him, throw themselves at him, and blatantly flirt with him right in front of me. I shouldn’t have let him stay over last night. This was all a big mistake, and I should never have gotten involved in the first place. I need to tell him it’s over. This is exactly how things started with Kyle. The constant phone calls and late-night meetings, which I assumed were work related but was more like Kyle getting his dick worked.

“I can’t do this with Trey anymore,” I blurt out.

“Why?” Dessa asks.

“Because every day he has girls throwing themselves at him and flirting with him. There was a girl who did that on our date and she thought I was his sister. Who knows how many times it happens when I’m not around, or how many times he’s going to say no until he finally gives in to the temptation.”

“Not every guy is like Kyle.”

“It’s better if I cut my losses now before we're in too deep.”

“If that’s what you wanna do, but I think you have it completely wrong.” Dessa pulls a bottle of beer from the cooler and passes it to a customer.

“He’s too perfect. There must be something wrong with him. He’s exactly like Kyle.” I cross and uncross my arms as anxious energy flows through me.

“They are nothing alike. Kyle is his own special breed of asshole. Plus, that’s like breaking up with a boyfriend but telling him you want to be friends. It doesn’t work.”

“But he was never my boyfriend.”

“Or was he and you just labeled it as benefits?” Her hand grips her waist and raises a questioning eyebrow.

I blow out an exasperated breath. “Truth be told, I don’t know. The red flags tell me he’s just like Kyle.”

“What red flags?”

“The constant phone calls. Not to mention the women who flock to him the instant he walks into a room.”

Dessa leans against the edge of the bar and crosses her arms over her chest. “Your flags are bullshit. I don’t think you’re giving him a fair chance.”

“I need to do what’s right for me and right now I can’t deal with all that,” I motion my hand over the bar to where the two women are seated, “and sift through whatever feelings I may have. Abby is my number one priority and with that comes dealing with Kyle. I can’t do all of it.”

She leans in a narrowing her gaze at me. “You have a man who wants to take care of you, who wants to serve the entire world on a silver platter for you, and you keep shoving him away. Do you realize that there will come a time when he doesn’t come back.”

“He’s not the right guy for me. He shouldn’t make me feel like this.” I blow out a breath.

“Happy? Because that’s all I see.” Dessa rests a hand on her waist and pops her hip.

“No. I mean, he does.” I pause to collect my thoughts. “He makes me feel like I’m a different person. Like I’m doing things completely out of character. For one, I don’t stalk guys at assisted living facilities because I have it in my head they’re sucking face with a nurse. Second, I don’t have sleepovers and introduce them to my daughter.”

Dessa pulls out a couple of beers from the cooler, twists the caps off, and passes them to a customer. “He’s pushing you outside your comfort zone. You do those things because you care. Genuinely care. That’s why you’re so upset right now.”

I rest my forearms on the edge of the bar and slam my head down. This isn’t supposed to be my life. Simple. Uncomplicated. That’s all I want. Not dwelling over my feelings. I lift my head. “I can’t. I need to focus on Abby and creating a better life for her. After a few more years of saving, I’ll be able to move us out of our crappy apartment. That’s where my attention needs to be. Not on… Trey.”

Dessa rolls her eyes. “You know you don’t have to pick. You can have both. In fact, you deserve both.”

Her words dance around in my head. As much as I want to believe them, it’s never been like that for me. I never get both. It’s always one or the other. When I have a daughter to think about, she’ll always take priority. “But what happens when he leaves, and I’m forced to start all over again by myself with nothing?”

“You’re the strongest woman I know. Whatever happens, you’ll survive because that’s what you do. The way I see it, you’re not giving him a chance because it’s easier to say no than facing your fears.”

I hate that she’s right. Also, I hate that I feel this way. Mostly, I hate that Kyle did this to me. “It’s for the best.”

“If that’s your excuse.” Dessa shrugs.

“It’s not an excuse. It’s my life.” I pull out my phone and send a text message to Trey asking him to meet me at my house later to talk. It’s time I put an end to all our benefits. After I hit send, I shove my phone into my pocket, and it immediately vibrates with an incoming message. I know it’s from Trey, but I can’t work up the courage to read it at the moment.

I busy myself with prepping the garnishes. As soon as I twist off the lid to the pickle jar, my stomach flips. Instantly, I freeze. After a couple of seconds, my stomach settles. I pull out a pickle from the jar, run the knife down its length, and I gag.

“Are these pickles bad or something?” I sniff the opening of the jar. Bile jumps up my throat and I swallow it down.

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