Page 36 of Smoke

He laughed. “I have never been attracted to my homies, Smoke. It’s okay to like her.”

“Is it though? You know niggas love to talk.”

“Since when do you care what another man, or anybody for that matter, has to say?”

“I don’t,” I said, lifting the beer to my mouth.

“So why are we having this conversation?”

I paused in sipping my drink, making him laugh.

“I’m just saying, son. Sounds like you know what you want. You don’t need anybody’s permission to date that woman but hers. Just make sure you understand that her and those kids are a packaged deal. Nobody is asking you to play daddy or stepdaddy, but be prepared to be a male role model in their lives. They will always come first with their mother, so you gotta put them first, too, if you’re gonna be serious with her.

“You see how your brother easily transitioned into fatherhood? Deuce may have a few screws loose, but he’s a damn good father. Salima sat his ass down and that man has no complaints about that. I’m not saying you can’t still live, but kids change thewayyou live. You ready for that?”

I thought about his question. Should I decide to pursue something with Romi, was I ready to tone down my carefree lifestyle? I mean, I had free range to go where I wanted and doanything I wanted. She wouldn’t be able to just up and go like I could, and a nigga loved to be outside. I guess I had some shit to think about. I mean, who was to say she was even interested in my ass like that?

It was looking like we would have to be friends until being friends was no longer an option.

“Hi, Mommy! Hey, Auntie Nay!”

“Hey, baby!”

“Hey, Pooh!”

We were at the park down the road from my parents’ house. I’d gotten off work early after my last client. After calling my sister to see where she was, I met them here to spend some time with my baby. This girl loved the park. She’d be here every day if she could. I guess it was because I had a jungle gym for her in our backyard. Every day after school and finishing her homework, she would play out there for hours.

We had an adjoining gate to our neighbor’s yard, so their little girl would come over to play with her. Since Korri had been staying with my parents, she came over to play by herself sometimes and always asked about her.

“Maybe I should get her into gymnastics,” I said to my sister as we watched Korri swinging from the monkey bars.

“I’m sure I can see her flipping all over those mats and balance beams. Her auntie would be right there in the stands with a big ass sign being loud as hell as I cheered her on.”

I giggled because that was right up Renay’s alley.

“I don’t know if I ever said it, but thank you for always being the best sister and auntie to me and my babies.”

“These are my babies too. The only ones I’ll ever have.”

Sadness passed over her for a moment. Renay had suffered from uterine fibroids since she was a teenager. They would grow big enough to cause her pain, and her periods were always so heavy. She’d had several surgeries to remove them, but they always grew back bigger. Finally, her doctor gave her a hysterectomy as a very last resort.

She’d never be able to carry a child at this point, and she made peace with that… well, as much peace as she could make with it. I told her a long time ago that if she wanted a baby, I would happily carry for her.

I grabbed Renay’s hand and squeezed it. “You know you’re my unofficial baby daddy,” I jested.

She giggled. “You remember Corey calling me that?”

“All the time. He would be happy to see how close you and his baby are.”

“I miss joking around with him. That was really my brother, man.”

“I miss him too, sis.” I looked out at Korri coming down the slide. “It’s crazy how much she looks like him. She’s his literal twin. That’s how I know he annoyed you your entire pregnancy.”

I giggled because she was right. I’d been very irritable my whole pregnancy. Corey was a natural goofball, and his energy just set me off at times. I’d be irritated, and he’d be in front of me crumping and shit, trying to make me laugh. There were so many memories of him teaching Korri to crump too. Sometimes, I scrolled through my camera roll watching the plethora ofvideos I had of the two of them. My heart broke all over again, especially now that I was pregnant by a man that I was afraid of.

Renay squeezed my hand, breaking me from my thoughts.

“It’s okay, sis,” she said, knowingly. “I’ll forever make sure you and these babies are good.”

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