Page 11 of Replay

Does he remind you of home? Does he make you think about me? Is that why?

Honestly, I feel fucking crazy writing this, but you blocked me, and I have no idea how else to talk to you at this point without showing up at your job or stalking your building.

I don’t expect you to be my pen pal, but could I see you? Maybe we can talk so things aren’t so awkward when we’re all together.

-Nate

In a state of shock, I place the letter on the table before picking it up and reading it over for a second time. Letting out a long sigh when I finish, I put my face in my hands, digesting whatever the heck that was I just read.

I don’t know how to feel. It’s been two years since I last heard from him. An unwanted flutter takes flight in my belly, a sensation I’ve shut down for too long.

It’s like he couldn’t think straight while writing. His thoughts were all over the place. Almost as if contacting me madehimuncomfortable. I picture his tall, hulking form anxiously writing this letter, not knowing how I’d react. The nerves he must have felt when he dropped it at my front door, along with my favorite snack. It almost makes me feel bad for him…

Shut down that fucking thought right there!

I hope he’s as uncomfortable as he sounds.

I audibly scoff again as that flutter dissolves and morphs into tension…Doesn’t want things to be awkward when we’re around each other. I’m not the one to blame for our situation.Maybe he should have thought of that before transferring to MY school. Who does he think he’s, asking if my being with Graves has anything to do with him, or home, for that matter?Like he has any right to ask.

And just like that… I’ve changed my mind about the party tonight. I’m going to show my face, and I’ll be on Carter’s arm as I do.

Bellamy waltzes into the kitchen, just as I’m about to stash the letter away before Carter arrives. Even though Nate remains a topic we tiptoe around, I don’t want him to see his note.

She steps closer, eyeing me suspiciously. “What’s that?”

“The reason I’m going to that party tonight.” I hand the letter to her and wait with my hands on my hips for her to finish.

“What the fuck, B? After all this time…this.” She shakes the paper for emphasis, her face pinched. “This is how he contacts you.”

I’m already nodding, eyebrows raised as much as my hackles. “I know, right! But Carter’s going to be here any minute, and I really don’t want him to see this.”

“Okay, okay, we’re going to need to unpack this with Darby when she gets back. How dare he.” And this is why she is my best friend. Literally taking the thoughts from my head.

We’ll unload all of this during one of our many weekly roomie hangouts. I need to wrap my head around it fully beforehand. I’ve been trying my best to keep it all together and not lose my shit over a stupid boy who broke my heart. Besides, I'm over it and him…right?

“And B…” she says with a mischievous grin on her beautiful face.

“Yeah?”

“Ignore his ass tonight. You’re going to make him regret every second of every day he lives starting tonight. And then this week,I’m taking you shopping for the sexiest, tiniest bikini that ever was because we’re throwing a pool party next Sunday, and I’m going to make sure he’s there.”

I can’t help it, I smile. The thought of a jealous, regretful Nate excites me much more than it should.

Seconds later, Carter comes through our front door, freshly showered and sporting a handsome grin, holding a delicious-smelling pizza. Ugh, why can't I just fall head over heels for this one… The one who actually wants me?

Bellamy takes the letter and walks down the hallway with it, leaving me with anI got youwink.

“Hey, beautiful,” he says, giving me a quick kiss, and then dropping the pizza onto the counter. “Did you pick out a movie for us?”

“I did, but I was thinking… If you want to go to the guy’s party tonight, I’ll go with you.”

“You guys should definitely come. It’ll be so much fun!” Bell squeals as she reenters the kitchen. “And we have pizza! This night just got so much better.”

I laugh as she prances around the kitchen, eating a slice. I appreciate her superb acting abilities.

“Oh…uh, yeah, sure. I think it’ll be fun. And if for any reason you want to leave, we can go,” Carter says, loading his plate up.

He seems a bit unsure, and I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t want to go, or because he knows Nate’s going to be there. Regardless, I can't let his presence hold me back anymore. What we had is in the past, and it’s time we act like adults and moveon, and if that means going about my normal life, even though he’ll be there every step of the way, then so be it.

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