Page 20 of Replay

“Oh, thank heavens you’re back. We’ve missed you so much!” Tiffany exclaims as she leans in to give me a hug.

When she puts Gwen down, I'm expecting the littlest to dive at me, but instead she eyes me cautiously, and I squat down to be at eye level.

She juts her chin out at me. “You’re back,” she says, all nonchalant.

I stifle a laugh. “Yes, I'm back.”

“Was it worth it? The trip and all?” PJ asks from where he’s still clutching onto me.

This time it’s Tiffany who’s holding in her laugh. “I did have a great time, if that’s what you mean.”

“Well, I guess I'm happy you had a good time. But was it worth leaving me?” PJ asks, his big doe eyes doing their job to guilt me.

“Aw, I missed you all terribly.”

Gwen hesitates for a beat longer, then comes crashing into my arms, and I hold her close. She pulls back slightly. “You missed me most.”

“Is that so?”

“Mmmhmm, but shhh.” She grins, then wraps her arms around me again.

With all their love surrounding me, I feel my body decompress from the stress of the last two weeks. Being with them brings me back that sense of normalcy I’ve been craving, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my night catching up with my favorite kids. This is exactly what I need, and I know they’ll keep me busy enough that I won’t dwell on tomorrow.

Just as I grab the to-go food from the counter, I hear Phil calling out Jack’s name. We turn to face him as he walks out of his office, a maroon shirt in his hands.

“Jack, I thought you might want to help me hang up the newest addition to the jersey wall.”

He beams at his dad, more than happy to help him.

“I was waiting for you to do it… Look, buddy. I got Nathan Outlaw’s new jersey. He signed it, too!” Phil beams as he holds out the jersey for his son to see.

And just like that, another piece of my life has been infiltrated.

Seems like I’m destined to forever see reminders of him through my shattered rose-colored glasses.

Six

While sipping my morning coffee, I stare at the envelope sitting on the table.Another letter.After running into Mr. Outlaw yesterday, and his remark about me and Nate needing to talk, I'm not sure if I want to read what’s scribbled inside. Because I know deep down, my guard is starting to slip. It was easy to stay angry and hurt when I cut off contact, but seeing him and being around him is another story.Especially with the way he looks at me…like I’m still his.

I stumbled across it this morning when I got back from my early morning run. I almost choked when I saw the familiar handwriting again. Both Bellamy and Darby are still sleeping off last night’s party, so it’s just me, my coffee, and the fucking letter.

Releasing a sigh, I relent and open the seal.

I know we got off on the completely wrong foot, but somehow, knowing there’s a chance you’ll be in the stands today comforts and excites me in a way Ihaven’t felt in a long time. Please don’t throw this away… This is something I wrote as a way to work through my feelings of my first home game in Texas…

-Nate

There’s another sheet of paper tucked under the first, so I carefully unfold it and read on.

Freshmen Year- Sept 1st

Tomorrow’s our first home game of the season, and the number one thought on my mind isn’t about the plays that we’ll be running or the routes that I need to be looking for on each possession. It’s not even on winning the game itself. My mind can’t stop spiraling at the thought of you not being there. You won’t be there, you won’t call or text, you probably won’t watch it at all. I can’t blame you. I did this. I ruined us.

My heart constricts at the agony in his words. Confusion floods my brain as I read both papers for the second time. Flipping each sheet over to see if there is more…desperately seeking more.

And there, on the flip side of the first note in small letters, is one last request from him.

Please don’t wear his jersey today.

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