Page 21 of Replay

God knows how long I sit staring into space as I try to piece back together my thoughts and emotions running rampant. It's not until I hear the slight dragging of the kitchen chair next to me that I come to with a jolt.

“You okay over here?” Bell asks.

I stare at her blankly, handing her the papers. Gnawing at my lip as she reads them.

“Damn,” is all the response I get as her gaze locks on me to gauge my reaction.

“Shit, B. I don’t know what to say…”

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” I scoff.

“The only thing is…for someone who broke up with you, he seems awfully torn up about his decision.”

“What decision?” Darby asks, wiping the remnants of sleep from her eyes as she enters the kitchen.

“The note writer struck again,” Bellamy answers, then hands the letters over for her to inspect.

I remain silent as she reads them, waiting for her take on what we just read.

“Have you two talked yet?” Darby asks.

“No, and I ran into his dad last night, and he was being all cryptic and shit. Alluding to the fact that Nate had some things he needed to get off his chest.”

“Listen, I was all for Team Hate Nate, but I think you guys should talk. There seems to be more to the story,” Bellamy says as she takes a sip of her tea.

“Fuck, guys, it was so easy to keep the memory of him locked away, never to be thought of again. But now…now, I don’t know how to feel. And I hate it,” I admit. These letters are strong reminders of the reasons I fell in love with him years ago.

Darby comes behind my chair and wraps her arms around me. “I know this can’t be easy for you. But at the end of the day, we’re Team Berk, so you tell us how you want to proceed.”

“I just want to get through today and, hopefully, by tomorrow, I’ll have my thoughts together enough to have a real conversation with him.” Even if seeing him in his jersey will likely be the worst kind of torture.

“That sounds like a great fucking plan! Also, not to add fuel to the fire, but…” She does quotations with her fingers. "Don’t wear Graves’s jersey… Does he not know you at all?” Bellamy laughs out.

Once upon a time, I wore an Outlaw jersey every chance I had. It’s one of the things I could never part with.

I cringe, knowing I’ve led Nate to believe there’s more between Carter and I. Especially after he dropped that girlfriend line at the party last weekend. Even though I enjoyed the way Nate’s fury blazed at his words, I didn’t appreciate Carter making such false claims.

“Sounds like we need to start drinking asap,” Bell says and heads into the kitchen. “What will our tailgating poison be today, ladies?” she asks as she scours our liquor supply.

“Whatever it is, make it strong,” I tell her with a sigh, folding up the notes and carefully placing it back in the envelope. “I'm going to need it.”

Why do the bathrooms need to be so far away from where we parked?Is my main thought as I weave my way through the cars, trying to find our tailgating party. I swear we weren’t this far.

Shit, am I lost?I chuckle to myself.

We pre-gamed at our apartment, which probably wasn’t the best idea, but I can't hide the fact that I'm having a great time. Lottie and Greyson are here, and I love having her around. We got really close her first year dating Greyson while in Nori Beach. Then we both enrolled in Mountain Ridge and were able to remain friends, regardless of Greyson’s lasting friendship with Nate.

I find Maverick’s Tahoe clearly differentiated by its bright blue color and its ‘CRSHBROS’ license plate. The nickname Cash and him have earned on the ice. As I walk around the side, I pause at Lottie’s words.

“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. They were so in love. Like the couple G and I looked up to,” she says, then adds, “Although he never admitted anything, Greyson swears there’s more to it. There had to be. According to him, Nate was so torn up by the breakup, you would’ve thought she was the one who broke it off.”

Emotion clogs my throat, breath catching at her words. We were the best; we were endgame.Until something happened, andlately, everyone seems to be confirming my recent suspicions that there’s more to the story than Nate led on.

“That’s the vibe I'm getting as well,” Bellamy replies.

“I just want Berk to be happy. So whatever that takes, I'm all for it,” Lottie says.

“Well, I think our girl is super confused. It takes time to digest it all. But I know she’ll get to the bottom of it,” Darby adds, and I smile. Even though I stumbled upon a conversation I probably shouldn’t have, I know they’re all just looking out for me.

---