Page 3 of Replay

“Nate,” I whisper, hopelessness seeping into my tone.

“Just let me hold you,” he says as he buries his nose in my hair. I feel his body trembling as he holds me, mine doing the same, and I can’t take it anymore. With my heart beating out of my chest, I push out of his grasp and stand up on shaky legs.

When my eyes land on his broken-hearted ones, I lose it. “Don’t do this, Nate… Look at us!” I yell, but it’s tired and raspy, filled with emotion as I point from my tear-stained face to his. “Why would you do this to us?”

Desperation etches his features as he jumps off my bed and tries to pull me back toward him. “BB, just let me explain.”

Head shaking, I shove him back. “Don’t call me that when you are about to shatter my heart and soul all over this room.”

He closes his eyes again, and when he opens them, he tries composing his emotions before speaking. “Berkley, deep down, you know this is for the best.”

“No, Nate! No, I don’t. Don’t fucking tell me what I know!” I shout, not caring who hears. Tears stream freely down my face and cheeks now, the image of him blurring before me as I choke back a sob.

He pulls on his hair, turmoil coiling up his entire body, and with how upset he is, I don’t get this at all. Why is he doing this, when it’s so clear he doesn’t want to?

“What happened to us giving long-distance a shot? What happened to us being able to make it through anything?” My voice grows louder with each question, pleading for him to make sense of this.

“I just don’t know if I can handle it,” he whispers, looking down at the floor before back up at me. “What we have is too perfect to ruin it with the shit we did last night, and I think that was just a glimpse into what our future holds. Maybe you think you are, but I’m not mentally strong enough for long-distance.”

I ignore the pang in my chest at the truth in his words, the truth I’ve been pushing out of my thoughts for a while now. “I thought we were supposed to give it a try...” I trail off, sounding as unsure as I feel.

“Then what? End up hating each other because last night is on repeat every week?”

In this moment, I know I love him too much to not replace that with hate. “If you do this, I’m going to hate you either way.”

“One day, you’ll understand why I had to do this.”

I huff a breath, numbness taking over. “Whatever, Nate. Just get out of here with that cryptic bullshit.” It’s silent for the longest minute as I try and fail to process what’s happening. It feels like a nightmare. Leaning back on my desk to hold myself up, I tell him, “You are ruining us before we even had the chance to try.”

He reaches for me again, and I feel like my heart is physically being torn apart in an irreparable way. If he touches me again, how does he expect me to let him go?

When his fingers brush my cheek to cup my face, I recoil. I can’t do this.

“BB, please,” he mutters as I push away from him. “I don’t want to end things like this. Please, don’t make me?—”

“Leave!!” I scream to cut him off, my voice breaking through more tears. Biting my tongue, I refuse to beg him to stay. It’s no use. His mind is clearly made up.

He stares at me for a few seconds, and just when I’m about to yell at him again, unable to take another second of the pained way he’s looking at me, he walks out of my life for good.

I just wish he would have given me back my heart when he did.

My mom once told me being in love could be the best feeling in the world, but love could also damage you in a way nothing else ever could. I was a stupid, stupid girl who didn’t listen to her mother, and now I get to learn the hard way exactly what she meant.

One

Two Years Later

No matter how many times I reread the headline, the outcome remains the same. Nate is in Mountain Ridge. Here, at my college... What a welcome-back gift to receive after being away for the summer. Just when I start to feel more like myself than I have in two years, this Howler Report gets thrown in my face.

My feet continue to run along the trail, almost in sync with the pounding in my chest as my mind races.

I’ve done everything in my power to keep all thingsNatesecurely locked away in Nori Beach. Never to be seen or discussed again. There are many reasons why I haven’t returned to my hometown, and Nate is one of them. How dare he transfer here, after what he did to me…to us. He can’t possibly think this is a good idea.

Nope, stop that right there. That’s where you are wrong, B. He doesn’t think of anyone but himself. That’s for damn sure.

I pick up my pace, officially lapping several older speed walkers decked out in matching tracksuits. I wonder if the people I’m passing can feel the swirling emotions radiating from me. I’m trying my best to keep it together and convince myself it will all be okay. But the fact that I’ve completed my tenth lap around the trail proves otherwise.

I’ve never been much of a runner, but over the past two years, it’s become a sort of therapy for me. It helps me clear my mind and keeps me level-headed. Running in nature certainly trumps running on a treadmill, and Ridgeway Park has some of the most gorgeous views I’ve ever seen. Not only does it have a running trail surrounding a large pond, but it also has hiking trails, mountain views, and sports courts.

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