Page 40 of Replay

I give her a gentle smile. “I wish it was, and that I could rewind time to two years ago.”

Berkley just stares at me until she finally whispers, “Me too,” and my heart soars at that admission.

But her next words quickly take the wind out of my sails. “But unfortunately, no matter whose fault it is, we can’t.”

I swallow my emotions down. “I know.”

“But I would like to talk some more, too.” She stands up, and I take that as my cue to leave.

Okay, I’ll take that. What did I expect? It's been two years, and I just unloaded a shit ton that she hasn’t even had time to digest yet. Plus, she has a boyfriend.

I make my way toward her front door, not wanting to push my luck today. “Have fun with your girls.”

“Thank you. And good luck with Georgia this weekend. If you play like you did this past Saturday, you’ll get the W, no problem,” Berkley smiles, opening the door for me.

“Thanks,” I say, pulling her into a hug, and thankfully, she complies. “I hope I didn’t make today worse.”

“I needed it to truly start my healing process.”

“Well, just remember what I said about her knowing her greatest love in you.”

With watery eyes, she smiles genuinely. “Thanks, Outlaw.”

“Of course, BB,”I say, walking out the door, even though the last thing I want to do is leave her.

I don’t know where we go from here; I just know she’s the only thing I want.

Eleven

“Ineeded this today,” I say as I lounge in the sauna next to Darby and Bellamy, begging my brain to calm down and enjoy the serenity. But my emotions are clawing their way out.

“Honestly, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you two.” My eyes well with tears as an overwhelming wave of pain and gratitude floods me. I think they know this, but I don’t just mean today…but more importantly, these past two years.

“Aw, babe, we love you,” Bellamy smiles, and Darby gently squeezes my arm. I see the emotion shining in both my best friends’ eyes as they watch me closely, likely unsure of what to say. At twenty years old, not many people know how to handle death. But sometimes it’s not about what you say; it’s about just listening and letting that person pour out all their hurt.

Nate is a natural empath; even at sixteen years old, he somehow knew exactly what I needed. When I saw him at my door today, I can’t explain what I felt.

Relieved. Loved. Seen.

“I hope today helps ease your mind, even if just for a little bit,” Bellamy says, and I see the way her nostrils flare, trying to hold in her own tears.

I smile through my emotion, reaching out to squeeze each of their hands. Thankful to know such true friendships.

So far, today has already been a whirlwind. Even though I’ve yearned for real answers from Nate, I wasn’t prepared for what they would actually be. Strangely, I feel a bit more at peace knowing the truth, but that doesn’t mean I'm not pissed about being kept in the dark. My heart breaks for my mom and what the truths he revealed today did to her at the time. And if I’m being honest, I hurt for Nate, too. I’ve spent so much time being angry with him that I never considered blaming anyone but him. I’m still frustrated with the situation in general, but now I’m so damn confused. There’s a small voice in the back of my consciousness, telling me how selfless of an act it was. If anyone besides my therapist knew my struggles over my mother’s death, it’s Nate. The fact he tried to preserve her memory for me sends a pang straight through my heart.

But was he just going to let me go forever? Did he think I’d never find out?

So many questions. And then the way he’s been with me since arriving in Mountain Ridge just confuses me further.

We sit in comfortable silence as we let the soothing music surround us, but my thoughts have my anxiety spiraling.

“What’s everyone’s weekend plans?” Bell asks, and I’m thankful for the distraction.

“Jackie told me she’ll be home this weekend, so I'm going to head out Friday after my morning class,” Darby says with a dreamy smile on her face.

“I'm babysitting Friday and at The Wolfpack Saturday night,” I reply.

“Aw, man, the boys said they’re going to drive to Georgia for the game this weekend since it's their last chance at catching an away game before hockey gets into full swing. I was going to see if either of you wanted to come.”

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