Page 58 of Replay

“If you could go anywhere, who would be your first pick?”

“The kid in me says The Commanders. You remember how obsessed I was with them.”

I smirk, because I do. We used to talk so much shit to each other.

“But honestly, I think I could really help build something with The New Orleans Phantoms. I like their style a lot, and I think they’re building a dynasty down there,” he shrugs. “But we’ll see how the combine goes in February.”

Patting him on the shoulder, I say, “Middle school us would be fucking proud.”

He chuckles. “Fuck yeah, they would.”

Across the lawn, blonde braids grab my attention, and the pit in my stomach grows into a gaping hole at the sight of Berkley smiling up at Carter.

“Speaking of middle school,” I growl, resting my elbows on the table as I bury my face in my palms. But because I’m a glutton for punishment, I look in their direction again, right as she throws her head back, laughing.

What hurts the most is I know this isn’t for show. I have stupidly convinced myself that the other times I’ve seen them together have been part of her ploy to torture me. Apparently,delusionalis my middle name. Because I know that smile and this is her being naturally happy in her element with him. And I feel physical pain watching them together.

She smiles when he tugs on one of her braids, and I’m almost certain my heart is bleeding into my throat. I’ll choke on it at any minute.

“Breathe, dude,” Graham says gently, placing his hand on my shoulder, and I do my best to listen, but I can’t take my eyes off them.

There’s no way he loves her the way I do. Maybe I didn’t make the right decision two years ago, but without a doubt, I did what I did because I love her, not for any other reason.

“Stop thinking what you’re thinking.” Graham turns his attention away from there.

“How can I not, Graham?” I trace my finger across the soft velvet scrunchie on my wrist, using it as a reminder of the progress I’ve made with Berkley.

I’m a selfish fuck, but I want to be the one making her smile, taking her to lunch, holding her at night. Not him or anyone else.

Finally breaking my view of them, I look at Graham. “Imagine loving a girl more than anything. More than football, more than yourself. And then picture you have to break up with her because some bullshit your parents created, and now you find out it didn’t protect her from the pain like you assumed it would, and you’re back in the same town, but she’s dating a guy who’s hated you over some dumb shit since middle school. A guy whose eyes always lingered on her a little too long when you were dating.”

Graham’s expression morphs into one of surprise. “Ya know, that’s the most you have ever shared with me about you and Berkley’s situation?”

I do know this, and now that Berkley knows, I don’t have a problem telling him everything, but not right now, not when I can barely control myself from walking across this courtyard.

“I’m not going to ask you to elaborate, but I am going to tell you what you’re seeing over there isn’t what you think.”

My gaze flits back in that direction. Berkley tosses a piece of food up in the air and Carter tries to catch it, making them both laugh. They look pretty fucking chummy to me.

“You forget, I used to make her laugh like that. I used to be the one she gave that attention to.” My hands shake as I grab my Gatorade to take a sip, trying to calm my nerves down.

“No, you forget I was there for that. And I’ve seen this relationship she has with Carter since the beginning too. Trust me, he has always wanted her more than she wants him. They were truly just friends for a long time, and what you are seeing right now is them as friends.”

I don’t want him to be anything to her.

“Well, I fucking hate it.”

“I get that, but you can’t just come in here and expect her to drop everything for you after all the shit y’all have been through. Give the girl some time.” He pauses, looking back at her before back to me. “I have a strong feeling she’ll find her way back to you.”

His words ease the turmoil brewing inside of me. Only slightly.

“I know you’re right, that she needs time and space. It's just hard for me. Now that we’ve talked about everything, it's hard for me not to want it all to go back to how it was, because I’ve never stopped loving her.”

He rolls his lips like he’s contemplating his next words. “Take a closer look at them.”

My stomach twists, scared of what I may see this time, but I do as he asks. They each sit on separate benches, seemingly eating their own lunches now.

I focus back on Graham.

---