Page 40 of Aim for Love

“I’m not going to get hurt,” I reply, a hopeful lie.

“It’s still a vacation fling,” he says. “Even if it doesn’t last all vacation.”

I’m silent because my throat stops working. I pull in a deep breath through my nose, trying to calm my pounding heart.Vacation fling. I know that’s what itwas,but I want so much more. I want things I don’t quite have words to express yet.

I want to overthrow my whole life for this man and what he represents to me.

It’s silly. I would be so silly to say something like that, now, in the face of Hunter naming and dismissing what’s between us. He’s talking me off a ledge, perhaps. If I can’t be daring, I should be grateful.

“Right,” I say. “It still could. I’m fine. We’re fine.” If I keep repeating it, maybe it’ll be true.

“So you think…we should keep going? Until the end of the week?”

“Well, why not?” I make my voice flippant. “Do you not want to be with me because of…what happened?”

He shakes his head. “No, that’s not it. I’m worried you’re doing things only because I want you to.”

Shaking my head, I tell him, “Iwant this.” My voice is more fierce than I intended.

He nods, like that’s settled. “Do you still want an axe-throwing lesson?”

Even as desperately as I want Hunter’s nearness, I’m worried the night will end in tears, so I shake my head. “Maybe tomorrow?”

He nods and pats my arm, and we part like that—mostly mutely. I suspect both of us have more to say, yet whatever connection was forming between us was so new, it couldn’t withstand a day like this. We broke it. Well, I broke it. By trying so hard at something I shouldn’t have said “yes” to.

I wanted to bring a fully-formed plan to this conversation and throw caution to the wind when I presented it. I wasn’t ready. And maybe I’ll never be ready. Maybe I’m fooling myself.

Walking back to the hotel room—which will be empty, with Sophie and Nora out with Scott and the others again—I pass by a storefront with a little sign that says “attorney at law.” I pause and look at it, in the dark window, and I wonder what it’s like to work in a town like this. Where the streets are busy but full of people you know. Where the mountains loom not two hours away but minutes. Where you can’t find everything you want, but you’re more thankful for what’s available.

Come back to this if you’re brave enough. I make a mental note to myself and I keep walking. Before I get back to the hotel, I get a text from Sophie inviting me to join them at the bar. Well, demanding. I happen to be walking by the bar they’re at, so I go in.

They’re with Scott at a table in the back, and I can tell as I approach that I’m not going to like what they’re talking about, heads bowed over the table and looking serious.

“Hunter’s an intense guy,” Scott is saying. “He brings his work into everything.” He looks up and sees me, standing frozen by the table. “Hey! Let me get you a drink! Beer?” He gets up and while he’s gone, Sophie raises her eyebrows meaningfully at Nora.

“I know,” Nora says, shaking her head.

“What?” I demand.

“Wrong kind of guy to have a vacation fling with,” Sophie says. “Intense? Wants to keep yousafefrom things?”

“Maybe you should cool it with him,” Nora suggests.

“Wanting to keep me safe is not a red flag.”

“No, but it’s something a boyfriend does, not a one-week-stand.” Nora makes a face. “We shouldn’t have encouraged you to get involved with him. He’s kind of serious. That’s not the plan.”

“Yeah,” Sophie agrees. “He’s too much for you. We leave in a few days. You need someone to get you out of your head andleave you refreshed, not a complication that’s going to confuse you.”

“We don’t want this to drag out,” Nora adds. “You’re bored, not…you know, one of those Hallmark heroines looking for a small town guy to run away with.”

And for once, instead of thinking to myself that my friends might be right, deep in my gut I reject what they’re saying. Because I know myself better. I know what I’m looking for and maybe it’s not Hallmark, but it’s not a refreshingfling, either.

Scott comes back with drinks and they turn from the subject. I take a beer and nurse it slowly while I think about what they said.

I can’t help it: I hope they’re right about Hunter. Because they might be wrong about what I’m looking for in my life.

The next morning, instead of going on a horseback ride with the group, I go back to the lawyer’s office. Because Iamdaring, damnit, and more importantly, now I know the difference between wisely daring and stupidly daring.

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