Page 48 of Aim for Love

“Unsafe stupid,” I grumble under my breath. Might not be the smartest thing to let this group know their guide—who they trust to get them home again—makes unsafe decisions. I am still seething with anger over what Scott did, taking Mollie into a situation like that. Sure, he might seem good at his job, but I can’t let my guard down. Someone could have gotten hurt.

“What was that?” Without looking, I sense the entire group leaning my direction.

“I took his girlfriend on a hike she wasn’t ready for,” Scott says. He’s speaking calmly, like he’s given this a lot of thought. “And I shouldn’t have. It was stupid and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I took anyone on that hike, and especially her.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” I say, which wasn’t what I meant to respond. It comes out anyway.

“I’m sorry about that, too,” Scott says quietly.

“That’snot your fault,” I admit. Suddenly, I miss Mollie desperately. She would tell me to forgive Scott. That they both made dumb decisions in the moment.

The group of hikers between us are moving their heads back and forth, ping-ponging attention as we speak over their heads.

“Was it because of the hike though?” asks Diana.

“No, I don’t think so,” I say, after a brief hesitation. Things changed after. All along, I told myself I knew we would end, and that’s what made it real. Mollie was one of those women in town to experiment with adventure and maybe a little recklessness. She wasn’t looking for something steady. And that’s all I am, really. Steady. I can’t help myself. “I was just an adventure to her, nothing more.”

“That’s bullshit and if you pulled your head out of a book, you’d know that. The only reason she was up there was to impress you,” Scott snaps.

“He wasn’t even there,” says one of the men. He sounds confused.

“She knew he liked that she tried everything,” Scott explains. “So she was trying out being a daredevil.”

“I don’t want to date a daredevil,” I snap. I hate the idea that Mollie only does things because I want her to. What happens when she gets tired of them? Then she’ll be tired of me, too.

“I know that,” Scott says. “And maybe she doesn’t know what you want. Because you haven’t told her.”

Everyone falls silent. The group is looking at me, waiting for me to process this.

“I told her…we were just a vacation fling,” I say, swallowing back the bile over this expression. “That’s what I want.”

“Man, you’ve never wanted a fling in your life. You commit to everything you do.”

Except her. The words are silent, and he might as well have said them for how loud they are in my mind.

“She was leaving,” I finally say. “She was going back to the city.”

“Was?” Sara—such a mom—picks up on this immediately.

“She told me she’d decided to stay. Before we left on this trip,” I admit. It’s all I’ve been thinking about. Mollie staying. I half expect, when we get back to town, to find that she changed her mind and left after all. That she was only staying for me, and I took that approval away from her.

“Why?” Diana asks the obvious question. “Because of you?”

“No,” I say slowly. “She said even though we weren’t together, she still wanted to move here.”

“She’s like you,” Scott says. “She commits.”

“We were only going to last a week. We were nevertogether.”

“Sometimes a vacation fling turns into more,” says Diana. He shifts uncomfortably. They’ll likely be having a conversation later. Scott’s flings never turn intomore.

“Wecommittedto that, though,” I say, using Scott’s word. “To just a vacation…thing.” I hate the other word so I don’t use it.

“Maybe you hold too tightly to your commitments sometimes,” Sara suggests. “Maybe it gives you blind spots.”

“When you’re on a bike, it makes sense to stick to your line, but if you're climbing and refuse to adjust your planned route when you see a better hold, you fall,” Scott says. He sounds like Tom in that moment with his athletic metaphors.

Tom, somebody who refuses to see me as more than a guide. When IknowI can be more.

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