Page 17 of Love Starves

Skimming the first paragraph, my mouth moves before I've even decided for it to. "You'vegotto be shitting me right now. Who picked this?"

My heart pounds in my chest as my brain tries to replay everything I've said tonight to find what might've given myself away.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" Jolene asks for the group since they're all wearing similar expressions of curiosity. All except Jade, and I narrow my eyes at her slightly which she quickly returns with a sly grin.

"It's erotica," I blurt.

Didn't think it was possible for that stupid smile to get anymore smug, but it does as Jade teases, "Then that should be right up your alley, huh?"

Really? The little wench knows how to play. I'm not angry in the least, but she doesn't need to know that. "It says she gets with four different dudes. I'm not reading a book about Guinevere being a slut." Deep down, I know I'm simply gauging reactions to see how my own circumstances would go over if they knew the truth even if my words sound harsh to my own ears.

For the first time since meeting her, Jolene's voice goes hard, "Hey now, just because it's different and not something you'd normally read doesn't mean you need to be a jerk to someone who would. Does anyone else have a problem with this being our next book?"

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me, and I've forgotten how to breathe. She keeps going on about skipping books if we don't want to read them, but I'm not paying her the best of attention. All my life I've lived not really having anyone to talk to about the serious stuff. Even Farrah, for the great friend she was, never would've openly discussed my eating disorder with me, or now, the sexual appetite I seem to have developed to mask it. It would've been too embarrassing for our families if someone were to overhear. For once, I feel like there's a possibility of having actual friends who won't judge me based off how Ishouldbe or act because of my last name. So, I do what I do best when faced with the risk of having something, knowing I'll lose it. I shut that shit down hard.

"It's called polyamory, by the way," Jade says, sitting back down in her spot on the floor. "When someone loves more than one person. It's called polyamory. They make shows about it now, with a guy who has multiple wives, but this book is different. I found an entire subgenre within romance on one of my reading binges. It's where the girl has multiple boyfriends or mates. Whatever the book wants to call them."

"No matter what it is or what it's called, it's even more unrealistic than the book we did this week," I snap. "I'd believe there were vampires and werewolves in the world before I did something like this. Humans aren't made like that. They have emotions, and a key one is jealousy. It would never work in the real world."

Maisie laughs sarcastically. "Well, it's a good thing this is just fiction and for fun, right? In two weeks, you'll have the chance to pick apart every flaw in the book's schematics, and we can have fun laughing at a woman that would be crazy enough to put herself in the position of having more than one man to deal with."

My palms start to sweat. As quickly as the hope of having new friends sprung in my chest, it's burned out again. Of course, they'd laugh. Why wouldn't they? I know she didn't mean to offend, quite the opposite actually, but I can't help the way I feel. Instead of popping off with words that I can't take back, I offer everyone a quick goodbye and am the first one to leave.

Kenji

I've been unofficially assigned Blythe duty ever since she dropped off the grid almost two weeks ago. At the risk of having his ass kicked by Crue, Nick told us what had happened between all three of them from the class to the restaurant. Giovanni was mad as hell, and I swear to god, he almost put his expensive-loafered foot up Crue's ass for breaking the rules. Nick's part of it wasn't as bad. He reacted the way any of the rest of us would've...well, better probably. But Crue fucking Blythe uninvited then taunting her the way he did. We're lucky Giovanni didn't shove his ass in the ring with a bull. Though, thinking on it, the bull wouldn't stand a chance with Crue's crazy ass. Especially if the psycho is carrying a damn lighter.

Being raised in Singapore then shipped off to the Americas to live with family, I've been exposed to a multitude of cultures. Not a single one has led me to the conclusion that people who are off their rockers, as my gramma used to say, should be eradicated or locked up. Crue's brain just runs on a different wavelength that the rest of us. Besides, more than once handling business for Vinny that crazy shit has come in handy. I can't wait until Giovanni gets us all out from under his thumb. Vinny's fair and has less dirt on his hands than most men in his position, but it doesn't change what he is or what he does. We've all been saving our asses off behind Giovanni's back so we can get the startup to our own gym away from all the bad shit. He'll only be pissed when he finds out because we haven't asked him to contribute a dime. I think we're all just keeping our fingers crossed that Vinny will let him go when the time comes.

Taking a deep inhale of the smoke I got off Elliot earlier, I hold it in for as long as I can before letting it trickle between my lips like a waterfall. The bass of the rap song playing low through my speakers makes me close my eyes as I think of Blythe's naked body beneath mine. My dick instantly gets hard underneath the black, thin cotton pants I'd thrown on in a hurry. It'd be tenting the front if I stood up. As it is, I'd love to reach down and jerk it a few times while I've got the fiery, redheaded goddess on my mind, but I don't. Settling instead on giving it a rough couple rubs to try and reassure pleasure later when I'm not sitting in my car outside a stranger's house blazing up and waiting for Blythe to come back out.

An hour ago, I'd followed her to this random address, worried our world was about to be turned upside down since she's cut us all off. I'd assumed the worst and thought somebody was going to die tonight. Then I saw a woman step out of her car and walk inside where at least one more woman waited. I'm not sure what exactly is going on in there, but I don't think it's going to be as big of a problem for us as that Ryan guy. Who knows, though? If I wasn't so confident in my skills in keeping a woman pleased, I might worry that this was some kind of lesbian or feminist thing. Not that I have anything against either at all. Blythe just being a lesbian is as close to Elliot being a white-collar worker. Our girl loving dick is a fact I'm positive of.

My phone buzzes in the passenger seat, lighting up the front half of the car. Snatching it up, I turn the brightness down as far as it'll go before I check it.

Where are you?

Damn Crue and his stalking ways. Fully aware that I'm on Blythe duty, he must be tracking my cell. One stalker stalking another. Despise putting it that way since we just want to make sure trouble isn't finding her until we can find a way to grovel our way back into her good graces, but itiswhat we're doing after all.

In the car.

Smart ass.

I huff a short laugh at his replyand take another drag from my smoke as the little dots show up for a new message he's typing.

Is she with him?

Tucking the smoke between my lips, I consider fucking with him but think better of it. Knowing my luck, he'd show up guns blazing, ready to legit commit murder. Kill first and never ask questions.

No. Some girl group shit. Wanna check the address?

Not bothering to let him answer like I know he will, I text it to him anyway. All is quiet for a little over ten minutes before the vibration on my leg about makes me drop the phone to the floor.

All good.

Puffing out a breath through my nose, I shake my head hard enough that though my dreads are pulled up the ends brush across my shoulders. Lately, I’ve been thinking about getting rid of them, but I’m letting them stick around a while longer. One reason being I’m not looking forward to shaving it all off again. Another being that I know Blythe likes it.

Fuck, when her and Giovanni put this whole thing together, I wasn't sure if I wanted to get involved at all. Even in nature, some animals get jealous and protective over their mates. Humans are on that level times at least fifty. Most crimes these days are passion-driven where lovers get caught with another person and someone ends up on the hot side of a bullet. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint Giovanni since he's given all of us a better second chance at life than we ever stood going at it alone, but I knew this entire fucking thing spelled trouble with a capital B. Yes, for Blythe. I will say, though, it's not been nearly as bad as I thought after all. None of us have knocked the other out or sent them to the hospital for being with our girl. I think if any of us were going to lose our shit, it’d definitely be Crue’s crazy ass. Never has there been any envy or resentment since this thing started. Not on my part anyway. Even when it’s clear she’s been alone with the rest of them, but never with me. It’s always been Elliot with us or as the group as a whole. Not like it matters, because at some point it veered way off course into more than just sex territory for all of us. Couldn’t pinpoint the day if my life depended on it, but it happened whether any of us wanted it to or not. Blythe is just taking longer than the rest of us to accept it. Her day is coming soon. If she’s not careful, Giovanni or Crue ,one of the two, is going to let her know just how things stand.

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