Page 16 of Love Starves

Wanting to push her just a little bit, I haughtily ask, "Long time since you went to a book club or been out of the house, period?"

Pink floods her cheeks as a glare gets thrown my way. As fucked-up as it sounds, it makes me want to jump up and down and clap for the woman. She might be getting shit on, but her fire hasn't gone out yet. That's when things really go from bad to worse.

Jolene jumps in as mediator, telling everyone thanks for bringing stuff and to help themselves. Too bad she doesn't know Luci didn't need one. Then she's pulling me off to the side far enough away to not be overheard.

"Are you okay?" she asks, surprising the hell out of me. I figured she was about to give me shit for being bitchy to Luci.

My arms cross defensively out of instinct as I reply, "Great, why?"

Half-smiling, she simply states, "No reason, really. You're just kind of pale tonight. We've all got some kind of issues we're working through, yet? Otherwise, I don't think any of us would be here."

Properly chastised, I nod once to affirm that I understand and willtrymy best not to push so hard again. What's more worrisome than having gotten introuble, is being on the receiving end of curious assessments. The last thing I need is for anyone to look too closely at my own problems. Especially right now when I'm well aware I haven't been eating as I should the past two weeks. While I'm thinking on it, I go ahead and put a few slices of cheese and one of Jolene's cucumber finger sandwiches onto a plate. Grabbing a bottle of water off the table, I follow behind some of the others as they make their way into the little living room. It honestly amazes me that it's smaller than the size of my bedroom, but if I'm honest, I love the homey lived-in feel of it more than my space.

A slice of cheese has managed to make it down the hatch before conversation starts with Jolene asking how everyone liked the book. Feeling like it's owed that I voice my opinion first after asking to not have to read werewolf porn, I announce, "It was decent, but the romance was ridiculously cheesy." There. That's a nice way of saying that if I have to read another one of those, then there're no promises to truly not off myself.

A nice debate starts up about falling in love so fast, and lies authors feed the reader to believe it. Luci, the poor soul, believes it's possible while Penelope thinks unrealistic love is utter shit. Both have their reasons and I'm sure Dr. Geoff would have a field day unraveling them, but this is meant to be fun, so I keep my mouth shut for once.

“Isn’t that kind of why we read, though?” Maisie asks. “They give us a few hours where we don’t have to think about the real shit.”

Jade doesn’t give anyone time for a rebuttal, saying, "I think it was a perfect first book for our club. It was lighter and had a happily ever after."

I roll my eyes. "I thought the whole point of this book club was to revolt against the idea of love."

Jolene jumps at that. "It is. But that doesn't mean that we can't still enjoy it on some level, too, if we want."

To each their own, but I didn't join this book club under the notion that I'd be experiencing any kind of reconciliation with the idea of a forever kind of love. The fact these women can still consider it as an option blows my mind since they've all clearly got major issues under the masks they wear.

"Well, I don't," I blurt, trying my hardest to keep the bite out of my voice. "I think love is bullshit. It's some kind of stupid chemical reaction in the brain that tells you it'slovewhen in actuality, it's the same kind of feeling as an orgasm releasing endorphins. Sex will always have the higher hand over love, in my opinion. Not just that, but what about the other dude in the story? He fell inlovewith the chick first, and he gets kicked to the curb after she meets the new dude. I despise books with love triangles. She should've just kept them both as acquaintances with benefits."

A shocked silence follows my biased speech and more than one dropped jaw greets me for it in return. With her cheeks a bright-pink, which I'm not sure is from what I said or something having to do with the pregnancy, Imma goes out on a limb, breaking the quiet by mentioning a moving guy who she'd love to be acquaintances with benefits with. Whether she's being truthful or not is yet to be determined, but her words cut through the pressure I've caused, making several of the others laugh. Her eyes drop to the floor, giving her away. She wouldn't fuck that guy to save her life. Whatever brought her here to this group still has a stranglehold on her. I'd bet anything it's ‘baby daddy’ issues. Call me sick, but that's an egg I'd so love to crack and get the story about. Huffing to myself, I internally muse over how fucked-up I am, loving all the drama as long as it doesn't pertain to me.

In an unexpectedly strong voice that doesn't match her demeanor, Maisie says, "I kind of like the love triangles. Love isn't black and white, but we're forced to choose one color over the other anyway. Having that decision over your own life and how you want to live it is the way it should be."

There's not a chance in hell she could possibly mean it in the context my brain takes it with all the testosterone I normally have in my life on a weekly basis. Surely, she's saying that all the dudes need to be ditched so we keep control over our lives and not that there might be a possibility that someone could love and keep more than one person.

"Triangles, I can do," Penelope interjects. "It's alpha-male attitudes that really set me on edge. I can't stand when a man thinks he knows what's best for a woman even though she's fully capable of making her own decisions and knowing what's best for her. It irritates me to no end, even reading about them."

My lips twitch with the smile I'm fighting. I just can't help pushing buttons on people sometimes. "Have you ever been shoved against a wall with a hand on your throat while said alpha has his way with you?" I ask as Imma excuses herself from the room. I could've sworn there were tears in her eyes from the previous topic, but I get too caught up in the shock and awe my words have on the room. Little do any but Crue and myself...and possibly Nick, know, I'm speaking from experience.

Clearly, she's not planning on answering, so I ignore Jolene heading off after Imma and continue, "It's notallbad."

"So, you're totally okay if some guy told you how to live your life as long as he is a good lover?" she asks in disbelief.

Unbeknownst to her, she's hitting a bit too close to comfort for my liking. Hell no, I don't want Crue, or Giovanni—or any of them, for that matter—taking over my life. Even if they give better cock than anyone could ever imagine.

Arching an eyebrow, I retort, "Now that's just putting words in my mouth. All I'm saying is that there are good things that come from those kinds of men. It's notallbad per se."

"How about we curb this conversation until we get to one of those books?" Jade offers. "Who knows, maybe it'll be one of our next ones. I, for one, can't believe I'm saying this, agree with Blythe. In real life, I'd rather rack a guy before letting him tell me what to do, but reading about them is fun."

At this, Imma and Jolene stroll back in the room together, the former looking worse for wear like she just got finished bawling her eyes out, but they're chatting about how glad they are that they started it.

Jade agrees with them, adding, "We were just talking about what book we should do in two weeks."

It's agreed that we should keep the current way of choosing a book, so Jade hands us all a slip of paper she ripped out of her bag. Coming into the meeting tonight, I didn't have a plan for which one I'd be adding to the pot, but after everything that's been said, I know the perfect book for Ms. non-asshole loving Penelope. There's a one-in-eight chance that it'll get chosen, which doesn't dampen my spirits at all. I'll put it in there every single time until it gets picked if I have to. Just to make her read it.

When everybody hands their suggestions over to Jolene, she folds them in tiny squares, mixes them and pulls one out of the bunch. "Guinevere's Knights of the Round Table."

Wow, a Guinevere and King Arthur romance. How original. I think as I pull it up on my phone.

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