Page 74 of The Roads We Follow

It makes me wonder if I might be living one, too.

Lynn

September 2, 1983

Dear Chickee,

Luella and Russell are having a baby! With as off as things have felt between us all since their official wedding ceremony, this news brought so much joy to my heart. I’m going to be an auntie! As you know, I’ve never seen myself having kids, so Luella’s children will be as close as I come to experiencing “maternal bliss.”

Baby Farrow is all anyone can talk about on the media—which is both a relief and a blessing. No more awful backside pictures of me to report. Just pictures of Luella’s rounding tummy. Perhaps this baby will be what sets all things right again. I hope so.

Lynn

P.S. I’ve already sent you this in a letter, so you better start working on a blanket now. Luella’s due in late February.

August 27, 1987

My heart refuses to believe you’re gone.

Jan 1, 1989

Nashville

Dear Chickee,

I made a New Year’s resolution three years ago that I’d start these up again—for you. I bought this blue journal days after your funeral, but it’s done a better job of collecting dust than thoughts.

I spent Christmas at the Farrows’ this year. Little Adele offered to share her Strawberry Shortcake bed with me, and I must have readWhere the WildThings Areto Hattie at least a dozen times. I envy her energy and spunk, although the new prescription Troy ordered me is helping, despite what Luella says. It’s hard to take advice from someone whose life has always been next to perfect.

Lynn

June 14, 1991

Portland, Oregon

Dear Chickee,

Luella and I realized over dinner that neither of us has been back to this part of the country since our first road trip in Lima Bean, God rest her soul. I’m embarrassed to say I sobbed the day she refused to start up for me. In a way, she felt like the last piece of the girl I was when I still believed dreams could be shared forever.

Franklin invited me to go stargazing with him tonight outside the city. I’ve mentioned him to you before, haven’t I? He’s our driver. He’s not nearly as polished as the trio, and I think that’s why I like him so much. He says what he thinks and doesn’t much care about what others think of him. At least, not in the way I’ve been trained to. He’s an odd mix of rugged and gentle, and he talks about fishing and camping theway I used to talk about music and God with Luella in the early days. I hope he’s our driver again next year.

Missing you always,

Lynn

July 5,1993

Austin, Texas

Dear Chickee,

We played a huge show last night on our Patriot tour, and I couldn’t help but feel the growing tension between Troy and Russell. I asked Luella about it backstage, but she refused to break Russell’s confidence. I reminded her that Russell is not only her husband but also our shared manager and that I have a right to know what’s going on. Once upon a time, it was my secrets she cared about keeping most, but those loyalties seem long gone now. She’s a wife and a mother, not to mention the original sweetheart of country music. It’s hard to know where I fit in that equation anymore. Even after all these years, I’m still living in her shadow. I said as much to her after the show, but she was too focused on saying goodnight to her girls to respond back to me.

I started riding in the jump seat next to Franklin at the start of this summer tour rather than in the back with the Farrows. At first, Franklin didn’t say much about the change, but he can’t seem to keep his thoughts in his head for too long. He asked me why I never sleep more than a few hours at night and why I only pick at my food during meals. I was surprised he’d noticed, but he told me he’s noticed a lot more than that when it comes to me. Sometimes I can’t decide if I’m insulted by his honesty or intrigued by it.

Today he asked about the pills I take. I explained to him that they are prescription and that I’ve taken them for well over a decade now. He said prescriptions can be wrong. I told him bus drivers can be wrong, too.

Lynn

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