Page 17 of Play Maker

I laughed out loud at his comment.

“This is what college is all about.” I tapped his beer bottle with mine and then raised it. “To discovering the best version of ourselves.”

Finn let out a wide smile.

“Speaking of best—” Finn motioned to the corner of the room where Axel was sitting. “He had some phenomenal assists today.”

“Ugh, don’t even go there. I’m trying to relax, not get worked up again.”

At the very moment that I let out those words, Axel turned and scowled at me.

Finn let out a low whistle. “You’d never know you two are on the same team. But Coach is right; save your aggression for the next game.”

I didn’t know that I could make it that long.

Axel

I should’ve been paying attention to the conversation around me, to my teammates, and more importantly, to the beautiful girls that were sitting beside me, but I was too caught up in my head.

Ever since that meeting with Coach, and the reality that I’d be spending more time with Jace, I’d been in full-blown panic. A feeling that was all too familiar lately. I thought being far away from my family would ease the pressure inside of me, but instead, I was always on edge. Like I was waiting for them to appear and drag me back. No way could I go back.

Suddenly, the room was both stiflingly hot and freezing cold. I was sweating like I did on the ice, but with none of the exhilaration that followed. My heart pounded louder than the music around me and my chest seized up so tight that I could barely take a breath. When my vision blurred and my ears rang, I stood up on shaky legs.

Ihadto get out of here. Right fucking now.

I don’t know what, if anything, I said to the guys sitting next to me, and I didn’t care. Plowing through the crowd, I madeit outside in record time and when the frigid winter air hit my lungs, I shuddered in relief.

No one was hanging around outside, thank fuck. I could have my meltdown alone.

Deep breath in for four, hold for four, and out for four… Again.

Fuck that holistic shit. I was still spiraling, with anxieties whirling through my mind like a tornado as worst-case scenarios bombarded me. What if I didn’t improve? Would I fuck up my chance at a hockey career? What then? And when was I finally going to confront Jace about what he did to Preston? Question after question pinged around in my brain until I wanted to scream. At this point, I was counting down the hours, not days, until I’d have access to my trust fund. Would I be free then? I would. I’d never have to go back to that house. And those people. Even if I didn’t have hockey, I wouldn’t go back.

Focus on that. It’s not much longer. Just play hard, keep your head down, and do the work.

Finally, I was able to suck in some air, but the sweet relief was short-lived. I reached into my coat pocket for my cigarette pack, but there was nothing there and then I remembered that I quit a month ago. Still, this was an emergency, and fuck knows I needed something to calm me down. There were pills I had for immediate relief, but I didn’t like relying on them. The antidepressant my doctor had prescribed was fine for my low mood but it was obviously doing jack shit for my increasing anxiety.

“You look like you need this.”

I jolted at the sudden deep voice that echoed in the still air.

Turning around, I spotted Maddox standing in the shadows of the porch, a cigarette perched between his lips. He held one hand out, offering me a smoke.

How the hell had I missed him standing there? I reallywaslosing it.

“Even though I seem to recall you telling me it was a filthy habit,” he added.

“It is. Was.” I shook my head. “I’ve quit, but thanks.”

He shrugged, shoved the pack into the pocket of his jeans, and reached into his jacket. When he pulled out a baggie of gummy bears, I stared at him, confused at first.

“Have a couple of these. They’ll help you relax better than a cig ever could.”

Ah yes, I’d heard about Mad’s fondness for edibles.

“Trust me, two of these and you’ll be smiling wider than Kay,” he added.

I chuckled, relieved to feel, well, relief. Without pause, I took two gummies and popped them in my mouth. They were way too sour for my liking, but the shocking taste distracted me.

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