Page 9 of Play Maker

The worst of it was the recent incident with my teammates, Kayden and Maddox.

A few weeks ago, I saw them kissing and freaked out. I overreacted and did something that, to this day, had me feeling like shit. My behavior was exactly that. Shitty to the max. My teammates were together, but not out to the rest of the team. All I could think at the time was, if things went ass up between Kayden and Maddox, would it fuck with our ability to win? We were so close to the national championships. Still, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Threatening to go to our coach with their relationship was a dick move on my part and one I was still apologizing for. If Preston ever found out what I’d done, he'd never speak to me again and he’d be right. I could blame my reaction on stress, but the truth was, I’d let my fear take over. Kayden accepted my apology, but Maddox didn’t talk to me. Then again, our goalie wasn’t exactly a people person, and he hardly talked to anyone.

All this to say, mentally I was fucked up, and my game was too.

Which is why, when Jace gave me the stink eye at the first face- off, I gave it right back. Hopefully, none of Mansfield’s players noticed. If they so much as caught a whiff of discord between teammates, they’d pounce on me and Jace like the cougars we were named after.

Being witness to Jace’s best season ever hadn’t helped me either.

No one knew what a dick this guy really was under all that equipment. All they saw was his big smile, outgoing personality, and talent on the ice. I wanted to lay into him about his treatment of Preston, but every time I had the courage to say something, I didn’t. And after what I’d done to Kayden and Maddox, I second- guessed every decision and every word before it came out of my mouth. Okay, maybe not every word, and not when it came to arguing with Jace. He had a way of getting under my skin that had me forgetting to play nice. I had no probleminsulting the guy, but confronting him about my friend? That was a whole other story.

Caught up in my head, I sat in the box, staring at the ice, surrounded by the roar of students and the flash of players whizzing by. I could’ve been staring at a blank wall for all I was paying attention.

“Lund! I said you’re on!”

I startled at the sound of my name and turned to find Coach Banning frantically motioning for me to get my ass on the ice. Jesus, this wasn’t good.

Shaking out of my weird headspace, I launched out of the box as we switched lines. Thankfully, Jace was called off, and I took my place along with Ethan, Dane, Kayden, and Finn Barak, another one of our defensemen. I looked over at our captain, who gave me a warning look, silently telling me to get my shit together.

The crack of the puck hitting the ice snapped me back to the moment and thank God for quick reflexes and muscle memory. Dane took possession of the puck, and Ethan and I took off with him. But Mansfield’s players brought their A game tonight, and they were all over us. Dane got an opening and passed to me, but I only got as far as the blue line when I was hit hard.

“Fucking hell!” I yelled out as every bone in my body rattled along with the boards.

Shaking off the pain, I scrummed with Gacey, one of Mansfield’s best d-men. I managed to eke out an opening and passed the puck back to Ethan before I got smacked into the boards again. I’d need more than a massage after this game. More like a week of them.

I didn’t see Ethan’s goal, but I heard the buzzer and the boom of the crowd’s reaction.

When I finally recovered from the hit, I turned to find Ethan and Dane hugging and Kayden and Finn joining in. Hell, evengrouchy Maddox skated away from his net and tapped Ethan on the back. I pushed off the boards, slowly, and skated over to celebrate with my teammates. I’d managed to rack up another assist for my records. I should be elated, but instead of feeling like I’d accomplished something, my mind went right back to the idea I wasn’t good enough.

“Ethan! Ethan!” Kayden chanted and everyone on our team joined in.

Dane nudged my shoulder and pulled me aside.

“You alright, Lund? You got hit twice and hard,” Dane commented.

“I’m good.” My body was already aching like a motherfucker. “Just the usual bumps and bruises, I’m sure.”

“Good play,” Dane replied. “You’re fast and you always see the opening.”

“Maybe next time I can take it all the way and sink the puck myself.”

I wasn’t shitting on Ethan’s goal, not at all. Just shitting on myself. I hadn’t scored in so long and it was getting to me.

“I’m sure you will.”

I wish I had Dane’s confidence. Right now, I was running on ‘fake it till you make it’ but that couldn’t last forever. What did I have to be stressed about? Even if I never got drafted, I had money coming, and that meant a shitload of opportunities. But what no one else knew was that I wanted to skate as far and as fast as I could from my past and never look back. Hockey was my only escape, the one thing I was good at on my own, the one thing that was mine, all mine. And I was a possessive motherfucker.

“Hey, Ax, thanks for the awesome pass.”

I turned to find Ethan with a big smile on his face, his glove raised. I bumped it with my own.

“No worries. I’m sorry I missed your goal but I’m sure it was a beaut,” I replied.

Ethan laughed.

“It happened so fast evenIcouldn’t tell you.” He pointed to the boards. “Ask our teammates who were watching.”

I glanced over at the box and my eyes locked on Jace. Not that I meant to, but the star forward was standing beside Coach Banning, talking a mile a minute and moving his arms around, nearly taking out Silas’s head in the process. Our moody defenseman said something in response to Jace and whatever it was, Coach Banning didn’t look happy. Jace laughed it off and kept right on yammering.

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