Page 40 of Rogue

“Yeah,” I tell her the truth, “now sleep.”

She shifts again pulling in closer, but doesn’t speak. It takes her some time but she does drift off.

I lay in bed looking to her ceiling. How do I keep the nightmares away? I can keep her safe from my world, but can I keep her safe from me? The thoughts plague me all night. In themorning she begins to stir as I sit fully dressed on a chair in her room. She extends her arm in the bed looking for me.

Sitting up, she calls out, “Jennings.”

“Right here, buttercup.”

“Why are you over there?”

“Better place for me to be right this minute, baby.”

“Are you leaving?”

“I’m thinking we should talk.”

She jumps up out of the bed and marches over to me. “Oh no, no way. I have been through hell. You tell me you’ll be patient. You tell me I’m not ready, and now you want to have some talk. You said I’m in my head. Well, get out of your own, Jennings.”

“There is a lot to me you don’t know, Michele.” I give her the truth.

She shakes her head. “No,” the tears fill her eyes. “I’m trying to be free. I told you my life here matters. I want to see what this spark might be. Even if it doesn’t work out, I want to take that risk.”

Her fire brings me to life as I grab her wrists and pull her to me. I can’t resist as her lips crash to mine. She climbs on my lap and presses against me.

Breathlessly, I pull away. “You gotta know something, Michele.”

“If you tell me you’re a serial killer, I will stab you in the balls. I didn’t take it well when Benny told me what his occupation was. I don’t care what you and your brothers or club are into Jennings as long as you come home to me. I don’t want to know what you and your club are doing as long as you and me are doing you and me. I have learned I don’t need to know anything but what I feel and what you feel. If it ain’t about that, don’t tell me!”

I almost want to smile. She couldn’t be better suited for my lifestyle. “As much as I want this, I can’t do it without telling you. We can’t sleep together.”

She laughs, full out belly laughs. “Now, I know it’s been crazy and maybe you hit your head, but Jennings I’ve seen your penis, it works. We can indeed sleep together.”

I smirk, “I’m happy to know you are into my penis and it working, but,” and I drop my face watching hers, “you need to know I can’t sleep beside you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. Sometimes I have nightmares, vivid ones from my time in service. I can hallucinate.”

She cups my chin shutting me up. “We fight back those demons together. One nightmare at a time. I’m not saying you can’t sleep with me and I’m not saying I’m going to force you to, but you keep telling me we do this at my pace. You have given me all this attention and pulled away when I’ve practically humped your leg. You have been nothing but gentle with me. We have faced death together, Jennings. We can battle some dreams until we beat those too.”

“Fuckin’ gift,” I whisper before I devour her mouth in mine.

CHAPTER 15

Michele

ONE MONTH LATER

“Like you in my shirt,” he tells me and I find myself smiling.

I smile, “I seem to like your shirts,” I tell him as he comes out of my shower.

Life is odd.

It is awkward not having secrets anymore. Spending so many years keeping a low profile, not really making serious friendships, it’s different now. The weight of what I escaped doesn’t loom over me anymore either. It’s unusual to live life exactly as it comes day to day.

Deciding to stay in Creekdale, I also have decided to leave the past in New Jersey. Leigh Michele Range is gone and Michele Leigh Cramer is doing pretty darn good.

Benny survived and once he healed enough to travel, he was a ghost again. A ghost with rules. One that promises not to see me or reach out to me again. In return, I promise to not divulge what he does, who he is, what we once shared, and more than anything I promise to allow myself the freedom to move on. A sad but necessary kiss goodbye and that chapter of my life is closed.

I have to admit the multitude of emotions being around Benny brought up inside me. Once upon a time, I thought we had something special. Now, I know the truth. While yes, in time Benny truly fell in love with me, our relationship began on a lie. The only reason he ever entered my life was to get an inside way to Giulia. Learning this it cut deep. In my naivety, I loved the man and I loved him with every ounce of my soul. Even when I learned about his occupation, my love for him didn’t change. My fears won over and I left for self-preservation. Sure, the time spent planning my exit emotionally I was distancing myself.

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