I cry myself to a dreamless sleep.

Chapter 6 - Jenks

When Alisa leaves the kitchen, the silence seems to ring through the whole house. It’s so intense, it almost hurts my ears.

I feel like such a fucking jerk. What was I thinking?

All I wanted to do was lighten the mood and have a joke with her. It was only after the words were out of my mouth that I realized what I’d done.

I walk slowly up the hall, a sharp ache in the center of my chest. My thoughts are racing so hard, it feels like my brain is on fire.

What can I do to convince her that I’m not that guy anymore?

If I suddenly start telling her I think she’s a goddess and I’ve always loved her, it will be even less believable. More than anything, I want to apologize for the hurt I’ve caused, but I don’t even know how to start.

After I go into my room, I hear her footsteps in the hall as she heads into the bathroom. I shut the door in a hurry, backing away when I hear the water start.

Oh, fuck.

My mind floods with images of Alisa slowly taking off the beautiful gown, then stepping under the steamy water. I imagine her hands sliding over her pale skin, slicked with foam as she cleans herself with slow, purposeful strokes.

For so many years, I fantasized about her, but I never had anything real to fuel my imagination. Now I know what she feels like in my arms, and what her lips taste like.

A soft groan eases through my lips as thoughts and sensations collide, sending heat streaking through my body. I’m suddenly so hard that it’s painful, and I have to get up so I can take off the tightly fitted pants.

Once I’ve put on some sweats, I pace slowly back and forth, still listening to the water running. When it stops, I get into bed and close my eyes, trying to relax.

I thought once I knew she was out of the shower, I’d be able to stop picturing her naked.

That didn’t work.

Sleep doesn’t come easy, and I toss and turn for hours before I fall into a brief, restless sleep. When I wake, I have a vague impression of horrible dreams where I’m standing in the halls back in high school, mercilessly teasing Alisa, picking out all the little things about her that I actually adore—and bullying her for them.

I get up slowly, as if the guilt is making my body heavy. After making sure she’s still asleep, I take a shower and get dressed, heading for the kitchen to put on some coffee so it will be ready when she wakes up.

I stand next to the bench for a moment, thinking about her words the night before and the look on her face. Under her fire and fury, I could sense deep waves of pain that still tear at her heart, even though it’s been so many years since I tortured her.

A peace offering, maybe. I’ll make breakfast.

As I turn around to look through the cupboards, I realize I have no idea what she likes. I’m always well-stocked with food because I often cook at my parties, but serving up bacon and eggs is going to backfire pretty badly if she’s vegan.

Instead of backing away from the challenge, I decide to tackle it head-on. Oiling up two frying pans, I prepare some fried potatoes, bacon, eggs, sausage, and pancake batter. I become so occupied with the task, I don’t have time to think about anything else. Between flipping pancakes and turning bacon over, I set the table with mixed fruit, whipped butter, and yogurt. When I spin around to take the syrup to the table, I almost jump out of my skin when I see Alisa standing behind me.

“Jesus, you scared me!” I say. “I almost dropped the pancakes.”

“You can call me Alisa. I’m not the lord and savior.”

It takes me a minute to catch the joke, and it’s only the slight curve of her lips and twinkle in her eye that lead me to it.

“Okay… good one! You got me there. I’ll try again. Good morning, Alisa, you almost scared the crap out of me.”

She shrugs, smiling. “It’s not my fault if you don’t have good ears.”

“I do have good ears. I’m a wolf. But that’s the second time you’ve snuck up on me.”

She shrugs again, sitting down at the table as I bring the pancakes over. “It’s not like I did it on purpose.”

I don’t know how to answer that, because I’m pretty sure she did do it on purpose. Her unnerving way of appearing in unexpected places was one of the things the other kids found so strange.