Page 100 of Pretty Obsessed

"Is this a bad talk?" He shifted in his seat, chewing his lower lip for an entirely different reason this time.

"Do you think I'd demand to see your cock with a bad talk on my mind?" I couldn't hide my amusement.

"You might have wanted a last glimpse." He shrugged like it didn't mean anything to him and I told myself he did care. He wouldn't be asking if he didn't care, but it was so easy to let my mind run away with those thoughts.

"I can assure you it's nothing bad." I'd changed my mind. I wouldn't tell him how I felt. It was too heavy for a phone call. It was stupid to demand more, or even try to tell him I wanted that when he seemed so easy to spook. I needed to have the conversation in person.

At least I had something else I could pretend it was about or I'd be looking like it had been a brush-off.

"Then what is it?" He searched my face, and I wanted to reach through the phone and cup his cheek and bring his lips to mine, finding reassurance in the meeting of our lips.

"I'm planning on spending my birthday in New York City this year, and I was wondering if you'd meet me there."

A smile curled over his lips. “I know you said you were thinking about it, but you’re really doing it? Do you have the time?”

"We have other promo stuff planned with it. I've been trying to get it worked out for a few weeks and they finally got it all secure. We are going to get in a session with a song writer we've been trying to work with too, to see if we can get a single out before a full album next year, so it's a couple of birds."

The expression that settled on his face gave me hope. "What are the dates? I don't know if I'll be done with my book…" My chest tightened. I kept forgetting he wasn't the only one with a job. "But it would be good to have a sit down with my agent and editor to see if they’re happy with the progress and direction."

"And they are both in New York?" My voice pitched, hopeful. Jubilant. The joy he brought me was impossible to hide, not that I wanted to. I wanted him to know how good he made me feel.

"Yes, they are. I'm sure we can figure something out. Maybe I can aim to be finished, and then I can do some sessions with my editor." He gave me a coy look. "If you don't keep me locked up in the hotel the entire time you're there."

“While I'd love to, I don't think I'd be able to if I tried. I have to do those sessions and I'll be expected to be out for my birthday." It would be talked about if I wasn't. No matter where I was, the absence of being out with the rest of the guys would start all kinds of rumors.

"So there is no hope of having a quiet night in with you?" His tone told me he wasn't upset.

“Not that night, no, but you should come out with us." Would I be able to keep my hands off him if he was out? What if someone else danced with him? What if someone else tried to take him home?

My body stirred and revolted. I knew what I'd do. I'd be entirely possessive.

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"No, but I still want you to come out with me." I wouldn't lie to him. If I gave him any reason not to trust me, he wouldn't agree to a relationship. I would be honest with him, even if it was hard. I just hoped it wouldn't scare him away.

"Maybe you should spend the night out with the band, and we can have the day.”

"I want to spend my birthday night with you…" Waves of emotion washed through me. At war with myself. It would be easier to spend the night with them but that wasn't what I wanted.

I wanted to ring in the next year of my life with the person I wanted, and I didn't want him to think I wanted it any other way.

"But the rumors."

"Are you bothered by them?" I asked, not sure how I felt about them. Not sure how I would feel if they got serious about speculating that we were more than friends. Surely spending a night at a club where everyone would know us would create more rumors than Japan, even if we behaved.

Could I behave?

I didn't want to.

"No. They might cause complications for you."

I nodded, still searching my feelings and trying to determine how I felt. "I know."

He nodded but didn't look disappointed. I could only imagine he assumed it was for the best for both of us if we kept it as quiet as possible. Or maybe he just liked privacy. I couldn't blame him. My life came with complications. Even I wasn't prepared for the scope of them, and I'd signed up for this. He hadn't.

Even if he was out, dealing with our fans would be a whole other thing than being openly gay. They could be possessive over us, Cas had dealt with all types of it every time he was rumored to be dating another person. Everyone wanted him with Iris. The more I thought about Emory's speculations, the more I thought he was right. I needed to broach that subject with Iris, too.

So many things I needed to talk about. Too many heavy conversations.

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