Page 115 of Pretty Obsessed

He gave me a look. “I may have done enough acid last night to scare even the most hardened D.A.R.E. kids, but I can still read you.”

All I could do was laugh. “Isn’t D.A.R.E. to prevent kids from doing drugs?”

“Sure, but it only leads them down the path of destruction.” He gave me a very serious look.

“I’m trying to process what you said, but I’m just going to go back to my problems and not unpack how high school was for you.”

“Listen, I’m a delight.”

I kept laughing. “Stop making me laugh. I’m having a moment! You should let me have a moment on my birthday.”

“I can’t help it. I have to be funny. It's either that or existential dread all the time, and frankly, that gets boring. It's a wonder I'm the fan-favorite."

"It's the skinny jeans,” I replied with a smirk.

"Skinny black jeans are my uniform. They not only give me the cool emo look, but the fans love the dick outlines they constantly provide."

“I’m suddenly glad my boy—er, Emory—isn’t here to witness any of this.”

“True, we don’t want to scare him off before you have him locked in.”

He started laughing, and I joined in. “Wait until he sees the Tumblr fan madness. He’ll go running.”

“What?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know.

“You know there are fan pages dedicated to our bulges.”

I coughed. “What? No.”

Iris pulled out his phone and went to some Tumblr account called Iris' bulge and sure enough millions of photos.

"You should see the Twitter hashtag." He handed me his phone and went back to the buffet. “Makes me want to accidentally on purpose give them something to really talk about."

"How it's fake." I deadpanned. “You know you put a sock in there before you go on stage.”

"I should cock smack you with all its gloriousness just for that."

I burst out laughing.

"You think I'm kidding, good sir!"

"Not even a little." I scrubbed a hand over my face, teasing him back. “Don’t show Emory. He may see you’re the better one of us.”

“He wouldn’t be able to miss it if I accidentally on purpose leak it. Who wouldn't want to see a famous rockstar penis?" Iris made his brows dance.

“It would probably make you more famous and I don’t even know how that’s possible.” Iris would be the only person who could get away with such a scandal and come out on top.

"Is that why you're encouraging me?"

"Says the guy who's thinking about leaking his own dick pic." I shot back.

"I feel like when I write my memoir later, all this is gold."

“Don’t even joke about that.” I didn’t want to have to worry about hacked or accidental posting. “You could get Emory to ghostwrite it for you.”

“No way I could afford him. Isn’t he like more famous than we are?”

“It’s different.” I shrugged. It felt like comparing apples and cucumbers.

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