Page 155 of Pretty Obsessed

"None of us knew how bad it was. I didn't even know how much it had affected me until I lost it." It felt good to talk to Emory about all of this. It sparked my courage. "There is more I want to talk about."

"What?"

"When you leave, I'm going with you." I'd thought a lot about this, and it was the only way I could get it across to him and I needed to do it for me.

"Huh? You have a tour to finish. Then recording…"

"It doesn't matter. They'll either cancel or do it without me." He had to know how serious I was. He wouldn't be changing my mind. “I’m not Iris. They don’t need me.”

"What? Why? You spend all this time making sure the band didn't fall apart, keeping Iris up and you're just going to…what? I don't get it."

"It's the only way. I own you when we're in the same city. I'll just have to make sure we're always in the same city. So, either I go with you or you come with me. And if sacrifices have to be made so be it. I will take a mental health leave or whatever they want to call it. You were right when you said I can't hold it together by myself."

His brow creased. "What… oh." He finally understood.

"I want you to come on tour with me. Stay with me. Write on the bus. I'll take breaks when you need to go to the cabin. If it requires being in the same city for you to be mine, then I'm going to make sure we are always in the same city,” I said again and hoped he could see how serious I was.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I own you all the time. No one else ever again. Just me and you."

A smile spread over his face until he was beaming—a much better reaction than I'd hoped for. I thought I'd have to do some convincing on why we made sense. Or prove to him I'd be going with him. I didn't expect it to be so easy.

"You've always owned me. Since the club. There hasn't been anyone else."

"What?" I asked. This wasn't about him dating other people when I wasn't around?

"There hasn't been anyone since you." He looked at our joined hands. "There never would have been. I can't do more than one person. And after being with you, no one else exists."

"What? Then why the rules?" I wasn't mad, but a little frustrated he'd fought me so hard.

He was quiet for a long moment and he wouldn't look at me. "Because I couldn't ask you to travel and need intimacy and things and me not be able to be there. I was trying to understand how your life was and make sure your needs got met. My ex cheated on me. I told you, I walked in on him and some guy after I'd been at the cabin spreading my father's ashes." He lifted his eyes. "I couldn't have that with you. I couldn't have that be the end of us because you were denying yourself. It hurt bad when Pat did it, but with you, I think it would kill me."

I sat with his words for a long moment.

"I don't need things. I need you," I said choosing my words carefully. "I would never do that to you."

"How does that make any sense?” The confusion showed on his face. "You had the club. You were there for a reason. You told me that.”

Iris had been right. He didn’t understand it at all.

"I was trying to manage my needs while ignoring them. I thought it was intimacy through touch from anyone that would fix my needs. I’d starved myself and thought a patch would take care of it. I thought swearing off dating would fix the problem. I was wrong. Not just anyone will do. It’s only you. Our connection, our intimacy. Our—” I wanted to say love but how could I? It felt entirely one sided.

“Oh.” He searched my face. “You don’t see other people when we’re apart?”

“Not once since we met.” I let him see it in my eyes. Let him feel it in my steady hands.

“I didn’t know… all the pain I put you through. I’d assumed." He shook his head.

“You may have met me when I was getting a blow job in public, but that was one instance. I met needs as they arose before, but it wasn't living. I’ve been in love with you for months. No, love isn’t the right word. I’ve been obsessed with you since our first night together. Since I came while kissing you. I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. I don’t want to be just friends. I don't want there to be rules and agreements.” I dropped my head and closed my eyes. “I understand if you don’t want to date someone like me. It’s a lot of trust and distance, and I can’t imagine it’s easy, but that's why I'll make it work.”

"You have me. I'll come with you."

"No, you don't understand. There has never been anyone else for me. Not to get my needs met. Nothing. Not before you, and not since you. Those things I did before were to survive. They weren't living. Once we were together, they wouldn't have made a difference.

I crave you.

I came to you when I needed them.

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