Page 38 of Pretty Obsessed

The drive to the base of the mountain gave time to get my head straight. River had been the perfect rebound guy after ex-hole. I’d needed to get fucked, and I’d have the memories to keep me company to get through this. I pulled into the ranger station where I’d leave my car. Will, the local ranger, waited for me, smoking a cigarette.

“How long will you be up there for?” Will asked when I got out of my car.

“A week at least,” I replied, opening my trunk. “Maybe two.”

He laughed limping over. “You’ll be longer than that I bet.”

“You okay?” I eyed his leg. He wasn’t too much older than I was.

“Got into it with a bear last week.”

“Are you kidding?” I stared at him.

He grinned. “Not even a little. You should see him, though.”

I didn’t know quite what to say so I got to loading the back of his all-terrain vehicle. It was one of the only ways to get supplies to the cabin five miles up the side of the mountain. I loved the remote location for that reason. I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t take a break to send an email. It was hard the first time I’d done it, but it got easier every time I was up there.

Good for the mental health to disconnect even if I dreaded it.

Even better to get away from trying to keep River. He wasn’t mine.

If I needed to, I could radio Will or hike down the side of the mountain. The difficulty of it all made my brain put it in the only-for-emergencies box and allowed me to let go of everything else.

“Big book to finish?”

“Yes, and I’m already late.”

He shot me a look. “I’m shocked you weren’t up here sooner. Still dealing with things?”

I lifted my shoulders. We both knew what kept me away from the cabin this time, but I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself most days. I was in a very different place in my life the last time, and I’d come home to devastation. I couldn’t face it. I still wasn’t sure how it would go and it had been nearly a year ago. Maybe it was the dread that every time I isolated myself so extremely, the world left me behind.

It was the reason I was late on my deadline. Well, one of them.

“I get it.”

We took the trip in silence. I pulled my scarf over my nose to block some of the bite of the wind. The storm was beginning to roll in. Nothing terrible, a couple inches of snow. The cabin would be well stocked, and nothing that would keep me from hiking down the five miles if I needed to.

We rode in silence up the dirt path. I watched the snow fall between the massive evergreens, memories of making the same trip as a child filling my mind. The cabin was always rife with nostalgia, and maybe that was another reason I did my best work up here.

As much as I never admitted it in public, my work always took parts of my soul. I wrote my feelings, my sorrow, my love, my heartbreak, weaving them into the story until they were unrecognizable, but they were there. Thinly veiled therapy. Each book holding more memories than the characters for me.

This one would carry more than the rest combined.

I had a lot to mourn.

Will helped me unload the perishables I’d brought. Easy enough with two sets of hands.

“You have that leg looked at?”

He shrugged. “Sure, I’ll get right on that.”

“Will…”

He grabbed my shoulder in a friendly way. “Is there anything you need before I leave you up here?”

I shook my head. “No. Thank you again, Will.”

“Any time, Emory. You know that.”

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