"Not unless you're willing to change your lifestyle a lot, and frankly I don't think I'm up for it. I'm nearly thirty. I'd have bags in all these paparazzi photos. Can't have that."
He laughed, pulling me closer by my shirt. "Inconceivable."
"This seems a little crazy, don't you think?" Maybe I was looking for him to ground me or tell me his whole life was crazy.
"Maybe a little, but why not? Do you want to sit here and write your book?" He had a point.
“I need to call my agent.” I spun around trying to figure out what I needed to grab. It felt like my brain was all over the place. I needed to settle.
"Pack, do it on the way. I want you on the plane."
"What about Iris?"
"He said no sex up here because he didn't want to wait, his fault for not restricting the plane." There was no embarrassment or shame in the statement. “I’ve dealt with so much more from him and Cas. I won’t apologize.”
“Nor should you have to.” I looked around my apartment again, not even sure where to start to pack for an indeterminate amount of time. “So he’s okay…?” I didn’t know how much I wanted to push or ask about the Iris stuff. It seemed odd for him to get pulled away from the cabin like that and be so freaked out then it be all for nothing.
“He’s not going to be okay. I don’t even know what okay Iris would look like, but it’s their own fault. They created this monster by propping him up with drugs instead of addressing all the issues he was having.” His words carried more pain than he gave away.
“They pushed drugs on him?” My chest ached and my stomach turned.
“No. Maybe. I’m not sure there is a straight answer. But you know, if he was taking downers, suddenly they were providing more uppers to be on stage. And since he took uppers and isn’t sleeping, they’d give him stuff to sleep. He took them all willingly, but it shouldn’t have ever gone down that way.” He looked out the window and I didn’t think it would be great to keep pressing.
I wrapped my arms around him. He leaned into the hug. “You’re a good friend for leaving to be with him.”
“Sometimes I feel like the worst friend for letting it get this bad.”
“He’s an adult, and you can’t control what he does.” I hugged him tighter to me pressing his face into my neck.
Being the one to give River comfort felt good. It felt right. He took care of everyone around him, including me, and I wanted to give that back to him.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” I was glad I’d trusted my gut and left the cabin. Maybe my book would be later, maybe it wouldn’t be, but work couldn’t be everything. I had to live, too. And after the last year, I was realizing it more and more.
“I wasn’t ready to stop seeing you.”
“Oh?” I asked, pulling back a lock of hair to see his face.
He nodded, lust written in his parted lips and half-lidded eyes. “No, not even close.”
I could already feel him inside me.
“What’s that look?” he asked, drifting his fingers over my hip.
“It was me missing your dick.” Too honest? Probably, but it was the truth. And considering how filthy we’d been in the cabin, I didn’t expect it to change at all.
He hooked a finger in my pocket when I tried to get back to packing. “Come here.”
“What?” I asked.
He pulled me closer by the thighs, pressing our groins together. “You said you missed my dick. It’s right here.”
“What happened to not fucking up here?” I asked, not making any attempt to move away.
“Maybe I missed you, too.” He grabbed my jaw, bringing my mouth to his.
Shamelessly I rubbed up against him, chasing his tongue, licking up my need. He grabbed my ass with his other hand, trapping me against him. Entangled in one another, our surroundings melted away. Time didn’t matter. I could have happily indulged in life, following him around to steal moments like these. And they indeed felt like stolen moments because of who he was. The world owned ninety-nine percent of him, and I had this private little bit I could keep in my chest. A part I selfishly didn’t want the rest of the world to see.